Some people love to offer diagnoses when you mention an issue. Pregnant and extra nauseated? You must be expecting twins! Wrist hurts? It's carpal tunnel syndrome, of course!
But when it comes to children, there seems to be an even greater fervor to pigeonhole them with diagnoses. Little boy wants to run and play, and doesn't want to sit still? Well, gosh, he must have ADHD! Young girl can't stand certain textures? Sensory/tactile issues! Student doesn't learn quite the same way as others, or doesn't socialize well? Asperger's, clearly!
What gets me is not the fact that these diagnoses exist, but rather the pseudo-brainaics who are all too eager to give you a diagnosis, without being asked in the first place.
My ex-MIL was such a person. If she noticed just one little "abnormal" trait from one of her grandchildren (including my son), she immediately pronounced a diagnosis of ADHD, Asperger's or, in my son's case, "tactile issues". No one was (or is) safe from her snap judgments, all given freely because she believes having a Master's Degree in education makes her an expert on people, especially children.
Because I write and throw/catch lefty, but do everything else with my right-hand, she told me I'm "wrong". Just that fact about how my body works is "wrong".
Now, there is absolutely no problem with any of the aforementioned diagnoses. In fact, my husband was diagnosed as ADHD when he was a child, and placed on medication. His 4th grade teacher found him impossible. She was incredibly insulting whenever she spoke to his mother, often implying his mother did not know how to parent properly. There are traits my husband still has that are overwhelmingly indicative of ADHD, and I've had to learn how to live with him, as well as communicate with him effectively.
What annoys me is when people throw these diagnoses around without taking the whole into consideration.
After all, I could look at a few facets of my ex-MIL's personality, and easily come up with a diagnosis of Asperger's. All of us could do that to anyone. It's one thing to suspect something, but it's another for it to actually exist.
Whatever happened to us just being who we are? So what if that person is rather loud and tactless. That doesn't necessarily mean they have Asperger's (or, as some of my adult autistic friends jokingly call it, "Ass-burgers"). So what if that child won't sit still. That isn't necessarily ADHD. So what if I won't eat mushrooms, because they're icky. I don't necessarily have sensory issues.
Personality differences, high levels of energy, certain preferences, and more shouldn't make us automatically leap to conclusions about a potential "issue". If you suspect something, go to an expert. Take others' "diagnoses" with a grain of salt. True ADHD or Asperger's manifests beyond just a few little preferences, or differences in personality or energy.
And if a child really does have something diagnosable, that isn't a negative thing. That just means we need to find a different way to relate to them.
Copyright (c) 2013 Wendy L. Callahan
My son once tried to use his ADHD/PDD-NOS diagnoses as an excuse to get away with crap. His swim teacher, on whom he tried to use this reasoning, motioned me out to the pool deck and informed me what was happening. She knew that I wouldn't let it fly, and sure enough, my son got read the Riot Act right then and there. There's enough people who have been diagnosed wrongly (or who have diagnosed themselves) out there and use it as an excuse, and I refuse for my son who DOES have issues to become just another statistic. I tell him all the time that I don't care what he 'has,' because that just means he knows what areas he has to work on to overcome his challenges and act just like everyone else. I don't give an inch. Nor do I have sympathy with folks who say, "OHhhh it's okay, he's ADHD." It isn't okay. And I won't have it. Not for one moment. It all drives me crazy. I could rant, too, but let's just say I agree with you - and I really like the changes to the DSM. They should help curb these issues... I hope.
ReplyDeleteSounds like my mom! My niece is gifted and is my parent's first grandkid. Sadly, even though we know she's gifted, the other grandkids get compared to her. A lot. My step brother's first daughter isn't as developed as other kids, including her half sister, who's younger and more developed than she is. My mom always says, "I think there's something wrong with her." No matter how often I say, some kids are just different, it doesn't seem to matter. She doesn't get that some kids develop at different stages. There not all the same on any level. ~)O(~
ReplyDeleteI think what bothers me even more than the constant diagnostic thing is that most of those things are considered 'fixable'. As if the person needs repairs. And tons of time and money and effort (I'm thinking schools here) are expended trying to remediate/repair them.
ReplyDeleteAnd the other thing that bugs the shit out of me is saying the person "IS" ADD or ADHD or Asperger's or Autistic or hyperactive or whatever.
No. The person is a person. His or her possible diagnosis does not define them and should not be used as a description.
Plus there are always "trending" diagnoses. For kids the past few years it has been AD(H)S, for grown-ups it's been borderline personality disorder - everything that does not fit into the human concept of "normal" is sorted in with the diagnosis en vogue.
ReplyDeleteI once became very much not famous with a certain family when I told them, "I do not think your child suffers from ADHS. You just did not bring him up very well." But of course ADHS was the big thing, and putting a child on medication is way easier...
(Of course that was another unwanted opinion, and I am in no way an expert, but still... )
crap...I fall into every mental category one time or anther...maybe it time for me to get on some type of disability....Are they thing called "Normal" now.
ReplyDeleteCoffee is on.