Between the Worlds

Bad Movie Parents

2012-02-13T11:21:00.000Z

There are plenty of bad parents (or guardians) in the movies. I'm sure the Dursleys spring to mind as both over-indulgent parents and abusive guardians.

I would give the "Idiotic Movie Parents" award to the Rockatansky family. Sure, Max is a bad-ass, but come on!

First of all, he and his wife named their child "Sprog". Either that, or they were too lazy to name their child, so they always refer to it by an unflattering nickname.

Second, the child only shows up about 25% of the time. All the other times you see Max and his wife together, it seems like the baby has been completely forgotten. Where did the baby go?! They live in the middle of nowhere. Who's watching it? The dog?

Finally, there's that one time they leave Sprog alone... Sitting on a blanket outdoors. And what the heck happens? Toecutter's gang shows up and takes the baby, then taunts Max's wife with it. Sure, I was impressed when Jessie defended herself from Toecutter's gang earlier. However, the constant neglect of Sprog was just so idiotic.

Ultimately, Jessie attempts to run away with Sprog, only to get the both of them run over by the gang on their motorcycles. What the hell? Of course, Max is partially to blame - he's the one who abandoned Sprog on the blanket outside in the first place.

So let this be a lesson to you: if you're going to have a child, don't piss off a local biker gang, then leave your child outside on a blanket with no parental supervision. Just don't. ;)

I Want To...

2012-02-10T13:57:00.000Z

...comment on your blogs with my thoughts and such, but for the past 3 days, I haven't been able to get my brain to work well. Today is probably the worst. I'm tiiired and it's hot in here. Usually I'm freezing, but I woke up at 2 a.m. practically radiating heat. If you add that to the fact that I burst into tears for no good reason 4 times yesterday, you have a few possibilities. Either I'm getting sick AND PMSing at the same time, or... option 2. Heh.

As much as I don't want to get my hopes up about it, there was a point today when I just stood there in my dining room, too tired to move forward into the kitchen, too sick-feeling to move at all, about to burst into tears, and feeling hotter than an August day. At that point, I just said the words that I'm really afraid to say, for fear that they aren't true: "I think I'm...", then shook it off and focused on toughing my way through it.

Blessed Imbolc!

2012-02-02T09:07:00.001Z

The sheep are out in the fields here, and we're getting that horribly cold February weather (typical for us back home in Massachusetts - I don't know about here in England).

So it must be Imbolc!

Today we will do our schooling as usual, make some Valentines to decorate the house and do a little ritual. I think it will involve hot chocolate. ;)

To Each, Their Own

2012-01-29T12:02:00.002Z

Mood: Tired of arrow-to-the-knee jokes

Music: Hey, can you boys turn down your video games, and let me turn on some Stevie Nicks? ;)

Chore of the Day: Laundry

Mommyism of the Day: "You need some variety for lunch. Even though these homemade mini-pizzas are healthy, you are going to eat something else this week."

When it comes to life in general, I am very passionate about the sentiment "To each, their own." Unless you're harming others, I don't see any reason to interfere in or have an opinion on what you're doing. Relationships, religion, sexual preferences, lifestyle choices, and more are personal. I think it's cool to share them and find others of like mind, but not so cool to give others a hard time for sharing.

For example, I don't personally believe in polyamory or polygamy for myself, but I do feel that it is a perfectly acceptable option for consenting adults. I also feel that people should be able to reach out and find others who can understand them, or be up front and honest about who and what they are, without judgment.

Judgment is a toughie. Goodness knows most people probably look at my relationship and go, "You do what he tells you to do? *le gasp*!" Yes, we're in what you might considered a very old-fashioned relationship (though there are other terms for it), and respect for/obedience to the head of household is a part of it. But I asked for that and want it that way.

I'm a person who believes in not giving people a hard time for their choices. The "mommy wars" are another good example of this. Who is the "better" mother? The one who stays home and rears her children, or the one who goes to work, rather than be "tied down" to traditional expectations? How about this: the "better" mother is the one who feeds her children, sees to all of their needs, gives them love and affection, and teaches them that they have self-worth, while at the same time not denying her own needs, interests and dreams.

Religion is another biggie when it comes to judgment. Some of my fellow Pagans might be horrified to know that my ex-husband brings my son to church and Sunday School.

However, my ex-husband is Christian, and it would be unreasonable of me to have a problem with this. Furthermore, we agreed to rear our son with an understanding of both of our religions, as well as other spiritual paths around the world. I also strongly believe that Atheism should be a part of my son's religious education. He needs to see that not believing is an option. The only way he will be able to make a choice about his own spiritual path is through education, understanding and experience.

So how can I not have issues with my son attending church, when he's with his dad, or saying bedtime prayers with his dad during their nightly chats? Because I'm a Theist too. Perhaps my Goddess is a different "incarnation" of their God, but it's still the same basic premise.

It would also be hypocritical of me to have a problem with my son attending church with his father, when my kiddo also attends and participates in Pagan rituals with me and my husband. It would be hypocritical of me to have a problem with my son attending Sunday School, when he receives lessons on Witchcraft and the spirituality connected to the earth's cycles when he is with me.

Because I believe that "To each, their own" extends to my son as well.

My lifestyle and spiritual choices are my own, and what I want my son to grow up to understand is that he is free to make the same choices for himself.

If, in addition to seeking his own happiness and following his personal dreams, he respects and doesn't judge others' choices, I will feel that I have done well as a mother.

Changes

2012-01-26T19:24:00.006Z

Mood: Rawr! ^.^

Music: David Bowie, "Golden Years" & "Changes"

Work: Beta-reading for a fellow fantasy author (love her middle grade fantasy series, "Children of Avalon")

Homeschooling: Modern history/geography, physics, math, Renaissance art

Random Thought: "It's almost Imbolc. OMG, SHEEPS! SHEEPS! Daniel, look at the sheeps in the field!" (Daniel: "Yes, sweetie, I saw them last week. Calm down.")

So I want to try a different blog format - more of a "Book of Days" type of format. Though I'm not going to get into moons and retrogrades (oh, hey, anybody else feel combative/grumpy the first day Mars went retrograde this week?), and such. It's going to be a bit more random and, I hope, entertaining.

On my last post about tattoos, Gail shared a very important thought that I totally expected from somebody - that we all have to change. She's right, of course! I certainly agree and I thought about clarifying as much in my post... But I wanted to end it on a cutesy note. ;)

The snake tattooed on my lower arm commemorates two things. The first is the movie "Practical Magic" (I like the movie better than the book). Years ago, I was inspired by the scene in which the moms at school are whispering about Gillian and one asks, "Is that the snake tattoo?"

I simply adore snakes and want one as a pet someday. They are not one of my totem animals, but I feel very closely associated with the second thing this tattoo represents: change. The snake is my reminder not to stagnate, but to shed my skin when it needs shedding. After all, change and growth are healthy, normal parts of life.

On the Secular Homeschool forum, one of the members asked the question, "If I told the (insert age here) year old me something, it would be..." Remember that, because I'll get back to it in a moment.

When I was 16, I believed in and expected two things from a future relationship. The first was that my significant other would have black hair, brown eyes, and be a complete alpha male who dug my crazy, sometimes morbid, sense of humor, who loved the fact that I was weird and creative, and who wouldn't take any crap from me. The second was that I would have two children with this person - a boy and a girl.

Then I married somebody who couldn't be more different than that. I still wanted everything I wanted at the age of 16, so I asked for it. Unfortunately, my personal needs were not going to be met. I was told as much. So I changed my expectations just a little bit. One child. One or none. That way, I wouldn't be too connected to a person who wasn't going to make me happy, despite my explanations of what I wanted and needed in a relationship.

Ten years ago, roughly this time of year in 2002, I became pregnant with my son. He was born and so darn perfect. To this day, he is my own little planetoid. Heh. Only a couple of weeks ago when I asked him why he is so much more cooperative with and respectful to me than he is to his father, he said, "Because I love you more and I want to make you happy."

Well, what do you say to that? I told him that I hoped he would show his father just as much love and respect, but also that he would try to make himself happy. My son has a very clear understanding of right and wrong, good and bad, and I believe he is old enough to make many of his own choices, and make them well!

I never, ever planned on having another after him.

Now I'm remarried. Everything about my husband brings me back to when I was 16, because he is everything I wanted back then. It's a want that never went away. He calls me "wittle" and "fragile" and "dear, sweet fragile little thing" (inspired by this fabulously hilarious Harry Enfield skit). He thinks I'm hilarious and cute, and has no problem meeting my needs. It's like we were made for each other.

And he wants two children - a boy and a girl.

Remember the "If I told the (insert age here) year old me something, it would be..."question? Well, I responded to that thread by saying that I would tell my 16-year-old self that life begins at 36. But let me take it just a bit further and say this:

I would also tell my 16-year-old self that every step of the way is worth it. When I look back on the past and the years between There and Here, I don't regret a single step.

But I do find it funny that all of those years between 16 and 36, really just brought me to 16 once more. ;)

Now I'm 37 and going, "OH MAH GAWD! What if I can't get pregnant? What if I'm wasting my time with this? How can I have 3 kids? But I really want them..." I feel really fortunate that I have a cousin with whom I can share everything about the process (because I'm doing the whole charting/OPK/timing thing, since we specifically want to try for a boy). She knows what it's like and thinks babies are just wonderful. She's pregnant with her third (sadly, she lost her second - my little cousin, Rose - during her pregnancy).

It's nice to have somebody to talk to, because I don't want to get all personal here. I could, but it would bore you to know that I'm going *insane* waiting for the optimal baby-making time this weekend. (Even worse, I'm torturing myself by reading Kresley Cole's latest "Immortals After Dark" novel, Lothaire.)

What's the point? Good question. I think my brain just overloaded...

Oh, I know! The point is that Gail is totally correct. ;) Change is something to be embraced, not feared.

Tattoos

2012-01-26T09:29:00.001Z

Mmm, ink.

I love my tattoos, and I really want more. When it comes to getting inked, it's my way of expressing something dear to my heart. It's usually a concept or idea that is very important to me.

The pentacle on my left arm is an expression of my spiritual beliefs as a Witch. The cat on my right arm is my familiar, Tremor, who shared all 12 years of his life with me. The snake around my lower right arm is a symbol of the spiral of rebirth, as snakes shed their skin and are "reborn" when they do this. Snakes also symbolize wisdom and are a euphemism for the Druids, though I am more connected to the rebirth/growth/change aspect of this animal.

These are tattoos that I got against my first husband's wishes, because his reason for not wanting me to have any just wasn't good enough. As I recall, they were reasons having to do with being ladylike and then his mother's objections that I was now a "painted lady". (Go ahead - laugh. I know I did.)

Now I would like to add more tattoos. Anybody with a tattoo knows that after the first (or second or third), you generally want more. I would really like to enhance the snake and the pentacle, and add something new to the lower part of my left arm. It would kind of balance out both arms, though it's not necessary. Though I used to always wear bracelets or a watch on my right arm, I now wear them on my left arm, to balance out the tattoos. Yeah, I know. I'm very looks-conscious. ;)

So my new husband knows that I want more tattoos and has told me "No". In my first marriage, I would have shrugged and gotten inked anyway. However, there are two reasons I won't do it now. The first is that I'm trying to respect my husband as the authority in the house. I'm not very good at it, but it's part of the relationship we are building, so I do try. Heh.

The second reason, is that he actually gave me an intelligent and, even better, personal reason why he didn't want me to get more tattoos:

"I fell in love with you the way you are now, and if you get more tattoos, the you I fell in love with will change... and I don't want you to change."

D'awww.

How We Do Video Games

2012-01-16T19:59:00.002Z

I'm a casual gamer who enjoys Minecraft, Sims 2 and 3, and retrogaming on the NES or SuperNES.

My husband is a hardcore gamer and collector. I don't have enough space here to list all of his consoles or games (ranging from 1977's Nintendo Color TV Game 6 and 15, to the XBox 360).

Then there is my son.

I guess it is almost inevitable that children of the 2000's are going to be exposed heavily to video games. Even if parents do not game, you still see consoles everywhere - TV consoles, handheld consoles, games on phones, and more. It's never-ending.

Some parents figure that all they can do is hand their 4-year-old a game controller and let them play Bioshock to their heart's content. Seriously - I have seen people admit as much online. This style of parenting is just a bit too permissive and (dare I say it?) irresponsible for me. As much as I am a "to each, their own - do what's right for your family" kind of person, I really can not feel that way about letting very young children play graphically violent games.

Some parents try to eradicate gaming entirely. In fact, some families don't even have a television. It's just that much easier to control screen time if there is no screen. This makes sense to me, but I like to game. Not as much as my husband, but I like to sit down with some pixelated fun from time to time.

Then we enter all the shades of gray. We're in the gray. We know it would be hypocritical to deny my son game time, since we enjoy game time too. So we allow it with limits on:

A. Time of day
B. Game play time
C. Types of games

First and foremost, gaming is reserved for after school time. Just as my husband needs to put his 8-9 hour work day first, and I need to put my cleaning, writing, research, and other obligations first, Gavin needs to complete his schoolwork. Behavior is also important. We ask that he complete his schoolwork without whining or complaining. The same goes for running errands. Inappropriate behavior can result in restricted game play time, or no game play time whatsoever.

Game play time itself is limited in a few ways. If he would like to use my laptop, he is limited to one to two hours (the upper time limit given for the best behavior). If he would like to use the NES in his bedroom, he actually gets fairly unlimited time in the afternoon.

The types of games are the reason why we have a pretty liberal "policy" on the time spent on the NES.

Like most children, my son has seen all the violent games out there that adults love to play. Games like TF2 (cartoony, but still violent), L4D2 (very violent and loads of swearing), and more are very appealing to children these days. The games are simple: you get a weapon, run around, and shoot/stab things.

Now, this is *great* for adults who want to let off a little steam in the evening after work, but not for a 9-year-old who is highly susceptible to the influence of the bad language, violent nightmares, or other negative effects.

I definitely believe in observing age-limits on all things, especially video games, and then using my own judgment about whether or not my child is mature enough for it.

Of course, my son wants to play these games.

However, he also is interested in retrograming classics. So here is our family compromise, which is really more of a way of doing things than an actual compromise:

My husband has set up one of his NES consoles in Gavin's room. Gavin has been given 5 games that he is allowed to play, plus he may play on the Super NES. A game that is started must be completed before it can be "changed out" for a new game.

Why the NES and Super NES? First of all, the violence is not at all graphic. Second, there is no foul language. Third, these games are *far* more challenging than most modern video games. You need to have good timing in some instances, puzzle-solving skills in others, and - best of all - patience. Games today move so fast and in such a hyper/bouncy manner, and the general goal is to get from Point A to Point B as fast as you can, while killing as many zombies/aliens/enemies as you can while you go. Where is the challenge in that?

Like I said, such first-person shooter games are great for blowing off steam (yes, I enjoy them too!), but not so much for a young child.

My son is now transitioning from that age where he simply takes in information, to one where he will start analyzing it and questioning it. Of course I don't want him "taking in" violence and swearing, and he's not quite old enough to question those things. I also don't want him indulging in such spazzy entertainment.

I want him to see that something worth doing is worth doing well; that persistence and patience are rewarded.

So this is what we have done: He wants to play video games and we have given him a solution that works for us, as parents.

I'm happy to see my son use his creativity in Minecraft and Terraria, thrilled to see him manage a community (building it, managing finances, and solving problems) in SimCity, and pleased that he enjoys such innocent classics as Super Mario Bros. 3.

"Help me! I'm in peril!"

2012-01-12T10:18:00.000Z

I do not know where my son picks up this sort of speech, but it's cute!

When it comes to reading, some parents struggle to get their child to read. Some push their child to only read certain books. Others say "Anything that makes them read" and don't concern themselves with content or style; comic books and graphic novels will suffice, as long as their child is taking in the written word.

It's one of those things that, as always, depends on a parent's point of view.

My feelings about reading fall in between both ends of the spectrum. I want my son to immerse himself in rich language, poignant stories, interesting characters, and stories that both teach and entertain.

I also have nothing against comic books, graphic novels, and some of the incredibly goofy children's books out there.

During the day, my son listens with great interest as I read our classic novel of choice (at this time, it is The Prince & the Pauper).

During his free time, he sits down on his own to enjoy short books like Berenstain Bears (and usually picks up good habits from these books - after reading The Messy Room, he went upstairs, cleaned, came downstairs, and informed us that he had "sorted out" his room).

At night, he reads his current choice of chapter book (the Captain Underpants series) to me *very* enthusiastically.

As you can see, he gets to read a little bit of everything, and this is an activity he enjoys on his own (reading silently), as well as with me (both me reading to him and him reading aloud to me).

It is a balance that works very well for us. :)

What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

2012-01-11T10:39:00.004Z

I knew when I was 8-years-old that I wanted to be a writer, and that never changed. Sometimes I had additional interests, but my dream of being the first astronaut to set foot on Pluto died when the Challenger exploded (too scary) and my desire to be an actress was killed in high school when the most popular, but least deserving, students got roles in our drama class play... And I did not. My sister played teacher often, but her goals ultimately changed and teaching was the last thing on her mind.

So, as you can see, my dream to write remained a steady one that I pursued, and my sister's dream of teaching just sort of evaporated, and she took life as it came.

Before yesterday, the Gavitron hadn't expressed much of a desire to do anything when he grows up. I don't think anybody really asked him either, and I'm glad. He has plenty of time to think about these things.

Last night he told me that he really loves to draw, which I certainly already knew, and then asked if there was such a thing as "art school". I told him that, yes, there is such a thing as art school, and it is a place a person can apply to attend when they are older. I told him that there are also colleges where you can focus on art. He said that's what he wants to do: go to art school.

That made me smile and I said, "Do you know what my dad said when I told him I wanted to go to art school?" (When I was 16, my heart was set on it.)

Gavin said, "No..."

I said, "He told me 'no'. But life should be about doing the thing that makes you happy, so you may certainly go to art school if that is what you choose when you are 16 or older."

Then he got a little bummed out and said he wasn't a very good artist, and that he really ought to practice every day. I told him that, yes, he should practice every day, and that we could add daily art to our routine. I suggested that every day after schoolwork and lunch, we sit down at the dining room table together, so he can draw while I write (in my notebook). I explained that the only way to get better at something is to practice it, and that my writing gets better with each story I create. Likewise, his art would get better with consistent practice.

I also showed him my friend, Alli's art (she's one of the girls in our D&D group here), and told him that she is only 20, and that with 11 years of practice, he could be as good as her, or better. I think he was a little intimidated by how good her drawings are, because he was not quite so sure about that, but I told him that we would definitely sit down for art and writing practice every day, even on weekends.

Then I told him that his Aunt Sam is going to school for art, and learning things like photomanipulation. I showed him a before and after - a stock photo with no background, transformed into something beautiful with the addition of a background and a few other visual elements. He was amazed.

Today I have promised him Burger King for lunch (it's not something he gets often here, so it's a treat), and when we get home from running our errands, it will be creative time.

Now I'm going to check Gavin's art supply drawer. I believe he has a sketch pad and plenty of construction paper, paints, markers, pencils, and colored pencils, but I want to be sure it is well-stocked. A writer friend suggested a useful method to help Gavin plot out his ideas, so I want to make sure we have the supplies for that. ^.^

Homeschoolers & Evil Coffee

2012-01-09T22:14:00.001Z

The phone rang at roughly 9 a.m. today. It's always a surprise when the telephone rings, because very few people have our number, and it's usually A. Recorded telemarketing message (most often), B. Wrong number, or C. Friends/hubby's work (least often).

This morning it was C.

Last year when I arrived in England, I knew that the base homeschooling group was Christian. Obviously I cannot join that group. There is an inclusive group and I am a member, but their events tend to take place far from where I live. It also might not be something a military family finds right away upon arriving in the area. Americans new to the area are more likely to seek a group with the name of one of the bases in it, so I began the Mildenhall Inclusive/Secular Homeschoolers group.

A couple of parents have enjoyed the opportunity to meet, but of course we don't all live on or near the bases. Many families live 15 minutes or more outside of the bases, and we're all spread out throughout the area. Many of us also seem to be one-car families, which makes getting to activities tricky.

I had a few books to offer to the group and one mom said she wanted them. We chatted on the phone on Friday night for a while and agreed we would have to make plans to get together sometime after the weekend, since she had plans with her husband. As it turned out, it was her calling me this morning. She was on her way to the base and wanted to know if she could drop by to get the books, or if we wanted to meet up with her and her sons.

Well, I wasn't about to turn down adult discussion and an opportunity for my son to meet a couple of local homeschoolers! Plus, this mom is wonderfully blunt. In the military spouse community, there's that sense of having to watch your mouth, because people have certain expectations of you. Most of the time, I figure that if I even dare to swear (and I do have a mouth like a sailor), another wife's head might explode.

But even before some of us open our mouths, we're judged based on appearances (tattoos, piercings, how we dress, etc.). It's unfortunate, but true, so when I find a person who registers on my Just As Weird As Me Meter, I have to make sure I hold on tight. ;)

We met up and it was great to see the Gavitron running around with the two boys, both of whom were very much typical brothers - giving each other a hard time, of course! - but also very smart, well-spoken and polite boys.

Alas, I made a fatal mistake.

I got myself a Cafe Mocha at the Starbucks in the Community Center. I *should* have stuck with a latte of some sort, because lattes are mostly milk. But, oh no! I just had to go for the Cafe Mocha, since Gingerbread Lattes are out of season.

Yes, I paid for it this afternoon.

My husband came home, found me lying in bed with a book and said, "I don't want you to drink coffee any more."

Well, I've mentioned in a previous post that we have a control-based relationship dynamic. If he tells me not to do something, it's usually for a very good reason - in this case, to keep me from moaning, groaning, spending an hour in the bathroom (so sorry for the TMI!), and complaining of knife-like cramps.

I agreed with him and told him that it actually makes it easier for me not to do something if he tells me not to do it. I don't know why I choose to have something that's bad for me, nor do I know why it's easier to avoid such things when I have to tell myself, "You aren't allowed to have that, because hubby said so." It just is and I like it that way. When I look back and think, "Well, lattes don't tend to cause that problem", it can get me thinking that maybe, just maybe, a little coffee won't be bad for me. Then I get myself in trouble with... myself! Heh.

But when he sets a rule, it makes me stop and think, and prevents me from doing something that I'll regret later. That's the way I like it. ^.^

And I'm so glad I met somebody that I can speak pretty freely with about things! Sometimes it can be hard to just be yourself, especially when there's a very definite culture in the community in which you live. It's nice to meet somebody who is blunt and up front about the kind of person they are, and who doesn't feel the need to put on a show to impress anybody else. :)

A New Balance

2012-01-08T12:49:00.001Z

The first week with the Gavitron back home has gone very well. Sure, there was a bit of limit/boundary pushing there, but we stood firm and said, "These are the rules and this is what we expect of you." He is overall a very easygoing child and when I realized today that I only have 7 years of homeschooling left, I got a bit sentimental.

That feels like a long time. We have been homeschooling for 5 years now and are in our 6th. Still, it's hard to believe we're halfway "there", wherever there is!

After we did a bit of catch-up work today, I explained that I spent the first week easing him back into his schooling schedule, and that I expected him to tackle a full 2-3 hour school day tomorrow. He's a little too into playing video games and I hate that. A child should not be plugged in all the time. There are toys, books and (non-video) games enough here. It's bad enough that his new stepmom clearly doesn't know how to actually take care of a school-aged child, beyond simply dumping them on the public school system.

Public school is an option, not a must. It is an option that I will probably chose for the child(ren) that may be in my future, if I'm sure that the school is a good one. And it's just that - an option, not a necessity. I'm not anti-public school. I'm not rabidly pro-homeschool. I'm all about doing what is best for my child.

The Gavitron would do well in public school if classes were short (15 minutes), hands-on, and with active breaks in between classes. However, that is not how public school is, and I refuse to set my child up to be bored and possibly fail. He has enough opportunities to make mistakes and learn from those mistakes, without me intentionally putting him in such a situation.

And, yeesh, Gavin is halfway to college! I'm done homeschooling him when he turns 16 and he's old enough to take college courses. So, no, he's not going to public school or DoDs schools. He doesn't need to. Maybe it's convenient for the other adults in his life and, since that's the case, he can stay here. Simple solution. Furthermore, he's had enough changes in his life. Public school would just be another change and 6 hours of drudgery.

How about he sit here and write the novel he told me he wants to write? Sounds like a plan to me.

Oy, the point of this post wasn't supposed to be homeschooling, but how my life is going with Gavin here. :)

So it's going well. Yes, I have to find a new balance. When he was with his dad, I wrote all day. Now I have to make time for certain things, because I put Gavin first. During the day, I sit with him at the table and we do our schooling. When he works independently, I use that hour to clean. After we do our schooling, we read a chapter or two from a classic novel every day (right now we are reading The Prince & the Pauper).

Initially, we were alternating one classic book with one silly book, but I've decided that there is *more* than enough time in the day to read both. Therefore, Gavin is now expected to read that chapter or two of the classic novel we have chosen, anything he wants at bedtime (preferably a chapter book as well), and at least one other book during the day (usually something short, like Dr. Seuss, Berenstain Bears - which he loves and they're a great influence on him! - or something we take out of the library).

With my hour-a-day of cleaning combined with his 2-3 hours of homeschooling, that still leaves us many, many free hours in the day. We run errands once a week, though that can be twice a week if necessary.

What do we do with those free afternoons? I let Gavin have 1-2 hours of video game time on my computer or a console. That's a good time for me to do an hour of Yoga or read. Once Daniel or I start making dinner, it's quiet time. This is the time of night for reading a book, making a puzzle, playing upstairs with toys, or setting up a card or board game downstairs.

After dinner, Gavin gets to watch some TV. He gets a bath every other night (though I'm trying to encourage showers to save water!). At 8:30, we go upstairs to brush teeth and it's Gavin's bedtime. He gets a half-hour of reading. This is usually him reading to me, which I love.

Then I turn on some quiet music for Gavin - he has his very own bedtime playlist on my iPod, which consists of Colbie Caillet, Katy Perry, Wonderwall, Miley Cyrus, and other, mostly female, singers. I sit in his room so he can chatter away at me in the dark, while I do whatever I need to do for myself - writing, genealogy or just getting caught up on emails.

I've been alternating projects every day, so that I can stay on top of my writing career, my genealogy obsession, and stay current with family and friends. This works out very well. Last week, I spent one night writing. The next, I caught up on emails. The following night, I did a bit of genealogy work. Then I did a bit more writing and sent out two queries to agents.

I think I'll set some more concrete goals for myself - write 1,000 words a night, send out 2 queries every other day, respond to emails on the other days, and work on genealogy at least once a week. That will give me a much better balance.

But I like to stay away from the computer as much as possible. Gavin does understand that I use it for work, however I also like to model good reading habits, as well as how to keep the house clean and stay healthy. I want Gavin to understand that work is a part of life, and so is family, and that the two can co-exist in a harmonious way.

"This cat is psychic!"

2012-01-04T08:43:00.001Z

So sayeth Gavin to me.

I laughed and said, "I think you mean 'psycho'."

Today I was out of bed by 8 a.m. The sun has not even popped up over the horizon, yet my son is bursting with energy, rolling balls across the living room floor for Kobold to chase.

Avery, meanwhile, has really taken to Gavin. Our bird does not care for adult strangers. Therefore, he either prefers children or has an incredible memory! Gavin was here from May to August of 2011, right after I brought Avery home from the breeder. So Avery was still newly-weaned when he met Gavin. I guess the kiddo made an impression on the bird. :)

Also, I thought it might be cute to start each day's blog with one of Gavin's funny little statements. Just the other day, there were so many, including a discussion about performing "PCR" on somebody who couldn't breathe.

Speaking of yesterday... How did our first day go?

I came downstairs to find Gavin eating strawberry yogurt for breakfast. Not the kid stuff with zero real fruit bits in it, but actual Dannon strawberry yogurt. For lunch, he ate two homemade mini pizzas, a grape and a carrot stick (I made a face on the plate). For dinner, he ate everything on his plate - steak, rice and green beans.

This is the kid whose dad takes him to Burger King once a week and who demands things like Lunchables, chicken nuggets and french fries in the house. When I see him eating on Skype, it's almost always this kind of junk food. I'm glad to see that he ate his fruits and vegetables without complaint yesterday.

By the way, when I came downstairs and found him eating his breakfast at the dining room table, he was also doing his history/geography lesson. I had to do a double-take when I saw him!

He did all of his schoolwork without complaint. That's funny, because I'm told he complains all the time about doing it with his dad, and his stepmom won't even bother with him. Hm. Guess they're missing out, because I had a blast teaching him yesterday and helping him with his work.

Gavin had fun too and said, "I want to keep homeschooling. It's fun!"

He asked to do dishes. I normally clean as he homeschools, but I stay nearby so I can answer questions. So doing dishes in the kitchen, right next to the dining room is convenient. So is folding laundry at the dining room table. That way, I'm right there to help him do things, to encourage him, and give him rewards for work well done. I never not have time for my son. He's one of the first people in my life. His education comes first. Everything else can wait.

Since dishes were nearly done, I told him that he could help me by drying them and putting them away, which he did. I told him that earned him an extra hour of video game time.

When Gavin is here, he is limited to 1 hour of video game time per day. Doing schoolwork without complaint, doing what he's told in general, and helping out around the house all earn him another 30 to 60 minutes. He told me that he basically played video games all day back at his dad's house, since his stepmom won't homeschool him. Guess that 2 to 3 hours a day of homeschooling really takes away from... whatever else she does.

Gavin also asked me to play Scrabble with him. No problem! I love playing games with him. He said nobody plays games with him at his dad's house. He basically entertains himself all day. Er, I'll drop everything to sit down and play a board game or card game with him.

While I cooked dinner, I told him that it was now a good time for him to entertain himself. I suggested he either go to his room and play with toys (he could pretty much be as loud as he wanted), read a book or make a puzzle. He set up a puzzle on the table, which he finished over dinner. I don't mind puzzles or books at the table, as long as he eats.

He also taught me how to dance to "Bad Romance" at one point during the day. Heh.

After that, he took his bath and then I told him he could have his handheld video games for a short while. But when I went to his room to see how (and what) he was doing, he had a book in his hands.

Even though I had only an hour to myself to read last night at the end of the day, I didn't care. Gavin was happy, educated, ate well, offered to help around the house, played games with me, played independently, did everything he was told, and slept like a log.

Well, enough interspersing complaints with everything, because I know you get the idea. ;)

The point is simple: I sat down to check my email and my son asked, "Can I do my math now?"

Yes, son, you may.

"Come on, parrot..."

2012-01-03T10:40:00.001Z

So sayeth Gavin to Avery. ;)

I laughed and said, "Parrot."

Gavin said, "Well, he looks like a parrot."

I told him, "He is. He's a small parrot from the Amazon."

That was just a few moments ago. When I came downstairs after waking up this morning, I found him at the table, starting his history/geography lesson. Whoa.

You know, that's something that was never a problem for me. Homeschooling, that is. In fact, roughly 3 mornings out of 5, I wake up to find Gavin already at work on something.

So it kind of baffles me that he doesn't work well with his father or nanny (soon-to-be-stepmom).

My suggestion to his dad was this: Gavin should stay with me for 6 months, then visit with his dad for 3 months. That way, he gets 6 months of solid education and structure here, then he can have a long vacation, with lighter academic expectations (I'd send a reading list, and expect him to work on math and writing).

That is what I suggested to his dad, who didn't seem too keen on the idea. However, we both agree that public school versus homeschool is Gavin's choice, and I think that if he chooses to homeschool, he's better off with more time here than equal time between both homes. He receives more attention here as well, and is very confident in his abilities when he is with me.

Today as we worked on his history/geography lesson (using the Which Way, USA? puzzle books and maps), he told me that nobody worked on it with him before, so the work was tedious and took a long time. He was told that he is a big boy and needs to do it himself.

I was unpleasantly surprised. Part of the fun of homeschooling - for me, at least - is the togetherness. No, I don't hold his hand, but I'm there for him and I enjoy sharing the lessons together. I told him that I love working with him, because I refresh my memory on the things I was taught at his age (for example, today since he is working on South Carolina, we talked about the first shots fired at Fort Sumter to start the Civil War in 1861).

Anyhow, that's my idea, and I'm not trying to take him away from his father. I'm trying to give him greater stability and a better education. He's happy here and a willing, hardworking student. When he's with his dad, he gets more leisure time. So I think such a balance would benefit Gavin (my main concern), as well as both myself and his dad. There would be less pressure on his father to homeschool him during those 3 months (and no pressure on his nanny/stepmom, who refuses to homeschool him anyway). Instead, they could use the time for sight-seeing and just being together, with those lighter educational expectations.

That leaves me with much more work as a parent, but it's something I love to do.

Of course, as I said, it's up to Gavin. If he chooses public school (DoDs school, which does have standardized testing - my ex is under the impression that they don't), then he may certainly attend. If he chooses to continue homeschooling, then I want to bring up my idea to his dad again.

Gavin needs to be where he is getting all his needs met and, even more important, where he is happiest.

2011-2012 Homeschool Plans: Reassessment

2012-01-01T18:07:00.000Z

Winter break/the holiday season is the time when most homeschoolers tend to evaluate what they have done during the "school year", and see if changes need to be made.

It is also a great time to look ahead to the new "school year" and start planning for it. Some people like to utilize their tax return and invest in any curricula they need for the following year. I tend to plan early and then purchase what I need in the summer.

Right now whether or not we will continue homeschooling is iffy. As mentioned in previous posts, my son expressed an interest in trying public school. Then he told his father he didn't want to attend public school or homeschool, because he "values his free time". *snirk* I love that kid.

So what's a parent to do?

Well, there are a few obvious things. First of all, I need to figure out what the Gavitron wants for himself. Then I need to explain that playing video games 24/7 isn't an option. (Then again, playing them for more than 1-2 hours a day while here isn't an option.)

Second, I have an idea that would alter his time spent with his dad somewhat... I'd love to share, but I want to assess things a bit first and then, of course, talk to his dad. Personally, I believe the arrangement would be *better* (educationally and structure-wise) for both the Gavitron and his father. However, there are 3 people whose opinions matter here, plus 2 stepparents who certainly have input. So I'm not sure that my idea, no matter how logical, will be acceptable. But we shall see.

Finally, I need to see how far behind Gavin is on this year's lesson plans, get him caught up, and then focus on what we need to complete the year. Once he finishes his grammar and spelling curricula, I'd like to fill that time with more reading and less drill work. I would like to spend more time exploring local educational opportunities (such as visiting museums and the nearby Anglo-Saxon Village).

History tends to be a sticking point. My son hates to hear it from books, but he doesn't mind seeing it in movies and hands-on visits to real-life historical sites. I'd like to put more time and energy into exploring local historical sites, since those are the things he enjoys and remembers best.

I would like to pull out The Well-Trained Mind to read up on the year 5 suggestions and recommendations, and start organizing the curricula I already have on hand. Since the Gavitron is one year ahead of where he would be in public school, I would love to see him keep that momentum going. However, as I've explained to his dad, it's always acceptable to slow down, review, and spend extra time on things if they aren't "clicking". His dad is probably less "tuned in" to our son's needs than I am, which makes sense.

I simply love homeschooling. No, I don't like other people's children. No, I would never be a teacher. I lack the patience for and the interest in it. But there is something I love about sitting down with my son and going over his French lesson with him, or washing dishes while he works through his math and yells "Yay! I did it!"

Et tu, 2012?

2012-01-01T12:45:00.001Z

We had a lovely time on New Year's Eve. When it comes to such things, I like to keep it low-key. I'm not much of a party-goer, but I do like a casual get-together with friends and yummy food.

So when a friend here said she was thinking about having a little New Year's Eve party, I encouraged the idea and told her I would definitely attend if she did. She went through with it and we went to the party, as promised.

I love that her husband is a total geek. You wouldn't think it to look at him - he looks like somebody you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley (I mean that a compliment!). But once he opens his mouth, you find out that he is an absolute font of information about geekdom, from the popular to the obscure. He's a bit younger than me (by about 3 1/2 years), but we're still roughly in the same generation.

That means he can talk about things like the original "Battlestar Galactica" or "Robotech", and I know what's what. D&D? Yup. Magic: The Gathering? For the most part. He tends to delve even deeper and know names, places, who sued whom for what, etc.

My husband is like that too, mostly about video games. Ask him how Nintendo inadvertently created its own competitor, for example, or the timeline of Zelda games. These are the things that my husband and my friend's husband can discuss, and I bet they'd be content for hours... Maybe even days!

Thus, spending time with our friends is just a lot of effortless conversation and fun.

There was only one blemish on the evening and it got me to thinking that this is the third time in my life that a person has held some sort of weird grudge against me for no reason and without any logical basis. Since things happen in threes, I hope this never happens again in my life. I'm too old for such drama, particularly when it comes from somebody I've met once and the issues are between two people - not three.

Ah, well. The person in question is Nintendo and he's inadvertently pushing Playstion into existence. Personally, I'm cheering for Playstation to get out from under Nintendo, and move on - she deserves better.

Another Year Over, A New One Just Begun...

2011-12-30T09:57:00.000Z

2011 has been quite a year, and a mostly positive one at that. It was a year that began with "Holy crap, I'm married? I just got divorced!" and is ending with "Holy crap, I have to live in England for two more years... No, bad birdie! Be nice to the cat! Be nice!"

It has been a wonderful year for the 8-year-old girl who declared that she wanted to be a writer when she grew up, and has finally found the time to - not only finish her stories - but see them published. (Also a good year for learning how to speak about oneself in the third person, something I loathe...) Of course, I have been thrilled over the years, since 2002, to see my non-fiction work published in "The Blessed Bee", "Circle Magazine", "Sagewoman", "newWitch"/"Witches & Pagans", "PagaNet News"/"If...A Journal of Spiritual Exploration", and "The Beltane Papers".

But writing fiction and having it published was my childhood dream. Now it has come true and will continue to come true. As long as people keep reading, I'll keep writing stories that (I hope) you will get lost in.

I have learned how to live with somebody new and been amazed at our similarities. Why, just the other night... Well, let's just say we had a good, long, very juvenile laugh over the words "poo juice" (no, not actual poo juice, but a comparison of something to it). Would anybody else out there laugh with me over such a thing? My ex, nice guy though he is, never would have.

There were genealogical discoveries and explorations of England - not as much exploring as I would like to do, but I have all of 2012 and 2013 to see more!

2011 was the year I brought my first bird home. Ah, Avery, our black-headed caique. He is my baby and I wish that I could curl up with him at night. He, in turn, bullies our new kitten, Kobold. They are definitely brother and sister. ^.^

While my son was here from May to late August, our homeschooling went very well and he got to explore some ruins and a warren lodge, both of which were educational and fun. He returns on Monday and I cannot wait to get back into our routine together!

I feel that 2011 was successful in so many ways and I am incredibly grateful for all the support I have received from family and friends; yes, that includes internet friends. The few difficulties this year usually were things outside of myself - challenges that other people experienced and all I could do was sit here and feel awful for them.

To be completely honest, I also dealt with some feelings of guilt for my decision to marry somebody I loved. I felt that I was letting my son down, I felt (and still feel very strongly) that he would be better off here, with me on a 75%-of-the-time basis. I felt like maybe I'd made the wrong decision and that we're not supposed to be happily married; we're just supposed to be content with the first choice we made in life.

Watching other people go through the same thing (what is this falling in love and moving in with/marrying somebody else thing? The female version of a mid-life crisis? A man buys a sports care, and we fall in love?), I felt good that they knew they could ask me about my experience. It's not the kind of thing that happens often. Goodness knows that people leaving a stable relationship where they are content, for the one with whom they are wildly in love, only happens in books and movies. *Especially* your typical suburban and military wives, who mostly appear to miserably make do (not that many will admit it; they'll just buy another case of wine).

So when some people reached out to me for support - to share what they were going through and to ask questions, I could relate and I was completely honest with them about the negative, as well as the positive feelings. Because, while it's lovely to be with somebody who "gets" you, it isn't all laughing over poo juice.

But the end of 2011 sees those sometimes-feelings of guilt as a mother slowly resolving. What my son sees when he is here with us are two people who hug and tickle each other, who laugh together, and live as if there could be nothing better in life than to be with one another.

Someday, I want my boy to find that too.

As Avery flutters around my head and chases Kobold around the house, I have my son's room to tidy and ready for him, a novel to write, and some books to get read before Monday. It will be a full weekend, including a New Year's Eve party with friends that I feel so fortunate to have made here.

When I first move to a new place, I miss the last place I lived. Now I am slowly building memories here in England, so when we return to the U.S. in January 2014, I can brood for a while about how much I miss this place. :)

What does 2012 look like? The first half of the year will be all about my son, our homeschooling, getting out to see things - I'd love to spend a 4-day weekend at Stonehenge, Glastonbury and Salisbury Plain - and more.

As far as resolutions, you know I don't make them. I set five goals each year, and 2012's goals will probably be pretty boring and non-spiritual compared to most. However, they are very personal and matter to me. My goals for 2012 are to complete writing four novels in their entirety (all currently in varying states of... doneness) and finish revisions to one that is already complete. That's it. My five goals.

They are very important to me, because writing is what I love to do. I have always been very good at starting projects, but completing them can take quite an effort. I easily get caught up in new and exciting ideas, and that's why I have about twenty unfinished novels. However, getting published was definitely the kick in the butt I needed to move forward. ;)

I hope your 2011 was as wonderful as mine and that 2012 will be even more fulfilling!

Aw, Wow!

2011-12-29T09:55:00.000Z

So The Gossamer Gate finally went free on Amazon and it hit best-seller ranking in the Mythology category as a result. One reader at GoodReads who didn't post a review, but did rate it (4 stars - d'aww!) told me she found it "enthralling".

Seriously, I don't think I could ask for a better end to 2011.

Thanks to everybody who is reading or has read something I took the time to write, be it a book or blog post. I hope that I've entertained you. ^.^

Nobody But Us Chickens

2011-12-28T11:21:00.004Z

I just spent 10 minutes hiding from Jehovah's Witnesses. I hid in the kitchen, so at least the dishes got done.

Actually, I don't mind chatting with the JWs (though I like the Mormons more - sorry for the religious favoritism, but the Mormons have the Family History Library, and I'm a rabid genealogist).

But I think that once I've said, "We're Pagan and very happy with our religion", they should not bother trying again. Of course, they do return. I guess, in a way, it's like terrorists - give in to their demands once, and they'll keep coming back for more. Did I just compare door-to-door soul solicitors as terrorists? Maybe. ;)

Good thing I have no problem with saying "No" to people.

Besides that, it's inconvenient to open the door during certain hours of the day because A. My bird is out of his cage and B. When my son gets here, we'll be homeschooling. I'm not about to interrupt my routine or risk the flight of my black-headed caique to tell you "no" again and again and again.

So, yeah... Not opening my door for the soul-solicitors. Nothing against them, mind you. In fact, I'm probably the friendliest person they chat with on any of their excursions. However, their knock at the door is generally ill-timed.

Speaking of homeschooling - yes! My son will be here on Monday!

Oh my gosh, I can't wait to snuggle him and squeeze his little cheeks and... Oh, crap. He's 9 now. Guess that's not going to happen. ;) However, I'm sure my Gavitron is just as huggable as ever. Remember I mentioned that he wanted to go to public school? Well, he said the cutest thing to his father. He told his dad that he doesn't want to be homeschooled any more *or* go to public school, because he values his free time.

Seriously. I told one friend and he said, "And how old is your son?" Heh. Yeah, my 9-year-old really said that to his dad.

Well, I was thinking of eliminating the grammar and spelling from his curriculum anyhow. Though I have not read up on the recommendations for year 5 (crap, I keep thinking he's doing year 3 right now but, no, he's been doing 4th year work!) in The Well-Trained Mind, I was thinking of going just a tad bit more "unschooly". Of course, I want to assess how far my son has gotten this year and what he has ahead of him for the remainder of our homeschool year.

We also need to determine if he will continue homeschooling or attend public school (DoD school on base in Germany), since he has expressed a desire to do *neither*. I guess the best way to explain things to him is to point out that homeschooling gives him more free time, but public school exposes him to more people (hence, greater opportunity to make friends, though I don't think that's a problem since he goes to the youth centers of both his dad's base and ours, and his dad also brings him to Sunday School now - no, I don't object to that, anymore than my ex objects to me bringing my son to Sabbat rituals and Pagan gatherings).

Here's what I'm thinking: drop grammar and spelling once he finishes the books he has for this year, and focus on reading and playing games such as "Mad Libs". For year 5 begin creative writing and teaching him how to use the dictionary. Stick with science as-is: Gavin loves hands-on experiments. Stick with math and French as-is. He likes the computer-based work. Consider a different approach to history. That's always been a rough one for us. Gavin doesn't really care for history. It bores him to pieces.

This is just a preliminary mental outline, mind you. I want to sit down with our current school books next week after Gavin arrives and I need to read the next section of The Well-Trained Mind, and explore its recommendations. I actually made sure we followed TWTM much more closely during year 4 than we had in previous years, but now I think we can back off just a bit. We shall see.

When it comes to homeschooling, I've always tried to be academically-rigorous, but flexible.

Heh. My son loves math and science, and I loved literature, writing and history. Opposite, much? ;)

Happy Solstice & Merry Yule!

2011-12-21T19:52:00.002Z

Many thanks to everybody who is reading or has read The Gossamer Gate. It will remain free until January 1, and you are more than welcome to share the link with anybody you know who loves faerie fantasy with a bit of romance. Every time someone tells me they got so lost in the story that they couldn't put it down, I feel warm fuzzies. ^.^

The cookie experiment was very successful! I used a sturdy plastic cup to roll out the dough and a glass to cut it into circles. We frosted and decorated the cookies while watching "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer", which resulted in quite a few drunken laughs. My husband had half a bottle of wine! Not me; I was sober and focused on decorating, sorting and cleaning.

At one point, my husband looked surprised and said, "Donner is Rudolph's father? I thought they were the same age. I had no idea that Donner was Rudolph's father!"

I calmly pointed out, "Well, nobody knew Darth Vader was Luke's father, did they?"

Clearly the song, "Rudolph", is quite misleading. ;)

Well, we gave the cookies to our landlord's cleaning people and office manager, and they all seemed quite surprised at the gift. I like giving gifts to people. It's another one of those warm-fuzzy moments.

I'm trying to wrap up what I can before the year ends. Mostly, it's just a look back at some genealogical brick walls and I'm performing some searches to see if there are any new results.

Since we are Pagan and celebrate the Solstice, also known as Yule, this night marks the end of the dark half of the year. As tomorrow marks the start of the light half of the year, I feel that it is only appropriate to spend tonight doing a bit of light organizing and research. I would like to get a good night's rest, spend tomorrow celebrating quietly at home with a ritual and opening gifts, then take a walk later in the day.

All in all, I think Monday would be a good day for a fresh start and continuation of projects (be they literary or genealogical) currently in progress. I am also waiting very impatiently to know when my son will be here. It would be nice to have a date, so I can try to organize transportation to Heathrow! Otherwise, the kid will be living at the airport.

I would like to pass on my good wishes to all of you: Happy Solstice and a Merry Yule, and may you enjoy success in all your endeavors in the light half of the year. ^.^

Holiday Laughs

2011-12-19T19:25:00.003Z

I've decided to watch "Religulous" tonight (such a great movie) and consider it holiday fare.

The other day when the song "Jingle Bell Rock" came on, I said to my husband, "This song reminds me of 'Casual Sex'."

The poor kid cried, "WHAT?!"

I explained that they play the song at the end of the movie. He was still looking at me like I was insane, so I had to explain that "Casual Sex" is a funny 80's chick flick that I love to watch.

There is not a damn rolling pin to be found on either base here. :( I'm going to make cookies tomorrow and I can just find something to adapt into a rolling pin (you know... a sturdy glass... curling iron... baseball bat), but it's rather befuddling that there weren't any at the BX or the bath and kitchen store.

Excuuuse me, but are you telling me that Martha Stewart (whose products are prominently featured at the bath and kitchen store on Mildenhall) doesn't use rolling pins?

OK. I admit that *I've* never used a rolling pin, but I'm not a commercialized domestic goddess.

They didn't have suitable cookie cutters either (just hearts, flowers and butterflies), but the cookie cutters are less of an affront to my sensibilities than the lack of a simple rolling pin.

Well, I'm off to eat popcorn and love Bill Maher. Meanwhile, you can still snag The Gossamer Gate for free at Smashwords in *all* ebook formats (and as a PDF). Do feel free to share the link. It's the holidays, goshdarnit! It's a time for giving!

It's a Happy Friday Here!

2011-12-16T17:42:00.001Z

First of all, wow, HUGE thanks to Kallan of The Secret Life of the American Working Witch, who featured me in her Friday Frolic post. You will find her blog quite interesting.

She is a doll! In addition to that, she's a Witch, homeschooled her 5 children (all as a single mom - daaamn! Hello Wonder Woman!), and is a United States Navy veteran, just to mention a few tidbits. I am very grateful for the shout-out, Kallan. :)

In fact, I'm incredibly grateful for everything in 2011, but I swear that I'm not going to get mushy here. *That* post can wait until New Year's Eve... er... Eve. OK?

Today was surprisingly social.

I posted on Facebook that it was snowing, and two of the ladies I have been fortunate enough to meet and befriend here joined in the conversation. Next thing I knew, two of us had plans to meet at Starbucks on base, with the third bowing out due to other plans. Alas, we knew that we would have to conspire to kidnap her.

Well, guess who met me at Starbucks? *Both* of them!

We enjoyed an hour-long chat over our drinks (Gingerbread Latte - mmm). We probably could have talked all day, but there were cats, children and husbands to be tended to, so we had to go our separate ways. One of them - the same chica who threw the Halloween party - said she was considering having a New Year's shindig. I encouraged her to go for it.

Not long after I got home, an invite popped up on Facebook. Apparently she decided that, yes, she would do it. Wooo!

Meanwhile, when I came home, it was to an unexpected surprise. The husband got to come home from work early, since he took his PT test today (passed with 91 points; well, come on the maximum "best" you can do in your mile-and-a-half run is 9.45 minutes, and he did 10.23).

He actually could have failed, because he only squeaked out the minimum sit-ups. It's a *weird* scoring system, because if he had failed the sit-ups, he still would have had 81 points. He's a skinny guy, so he scores high on the waist measurement. He's a tall, fast guy with long legs, so he scores high on the run. He does just fine on his push-ups too. But he said he was quite sore from swapping out missiles on trailers all afternoon yesterday, so I guess that made the sit-ups a bit painful. Heh.

However, the day turned out really well for both of us...

Even if I had to nonchalantly walk upstairs, saying, "Well, I'll just put the milk away... In the bedroom..."

Yeah. I had holiday treats for him. Stocking stuffers from Santa Wendy. ;)

Thursday Randonmness

2011-12-15T09:16:00.000Z

Mercury went direct Tuesday. Hopefully there will be no more problems with communications, for those who have suffered them.

Last night I went to bed and my brain simply did not shut down during the night. I slept, but it wasn't restful. Well, I woke up thinking, "Good thing I'm not going anywhere today. I'm exhausted, it's a gloomy, windy day, and I can always wait until tomorrow."

Of course, there's going to be snow and rain tomorrow... But not enough to make a significant impact.

The husband brought home a frozen pizza last night for dinner. I told him that I already had plans, but that the pizza would be great for Thursday night.

Sure enough, I whipped up a culinary delight on Wednesday, but today I can tell that cooking (or cleaning or writing) is the last thing I want to do. Viola! A pizza in the freezer, ready to go later today. Perfect!

Hubby had to wake up an hour early today, because he has gate guard duty. I told him last night, "It's 10 p.m. You probably want to get to bed."

He didn't listen to me and, at 11 p.m., we were attempting to watch the latest Angry Video Game Nerd episode. The 14-minute video took more like 45 minutes to watch due to constant buffering.

Buffering rhymes with suffering. I wanted to be in bed and save the video for today, when I would have been more awake. Alas, I am not more awake, because we stayed up lateish, watching the video. See how that works? Yes, I thought so.

It is so dark and gloomy today, that I believe the lights on the tree should stay on all day. They are so pretty and really give the house a warm glow.

One of my lovely friends back home, Vanessa, has a new movement for everybody. Forget the fictitious "war on Christmas" and ranting about materialism. Let's just, as she suggests, Occupy Happiness.

So I plan to occupy happiness today, despite the gloom and the foggy brain.

To all of those who have downloaded The Gossamer Gate, thank you. I am so grateful to you and I hope that you enjoy reading it. To those waiting on the "free" price to migrate to Amazon, I hope it will in a few more days. And, if you prefer paperback (like me), that is available too.

My goodness... The white lights of the tree really do make the house look so much more cheery today. Well, I'm not going to force myself to work too hard today, since my brain did not rest well last night. I'm going to take it easy.

I hope the rest of your week is whatever you need it to be. :)

"The Gossamer Gate" is free for the holidays!

2011-12-12T17:26:00.001Z

The Gossamer Gate is being offered for free throughout the holidays! If you prefer to use Amazon, I will share the link once the price drops there.

Happy Holidays!

A Little Bookmark Giveaway

2011-12-12T12:53:00.001Z

Aliraluna is giving away some nifty bookmarks over at her book blog, Velvet Red. If you enjoy paranormal and urban fantasy/romance, she has plenty of reviews to offer!

When it comes to knowing what's new and learning more about books that look interesting, I rely heavily on book bloggers. Since our BX doesn't get too many books (though their sci-fi, fantasy and YA sections are halfway decent) and since UK book prices are exorbitant compared to US pricing, I purchase most books online.

I'm one of those people who has to flip through the pages of a book to really decide if I want it, and book bloggers' reviews give me the opportunity to do that... Virtually. ;)

4 inches and 3 a.m.

2011-12-11T20:06:00.000Z

Saturday was just one of those really lovely days.

The morning was mostly spent cleaning and pinging over the fact that we were expecting guests. I keep a clean house, and I'm cool with the hour-before-company-arrives rush to straighten up, because there isn't much to tidy. But my husband was all nervous about furniture placement and just being fastidious in general.

Over D&D. Heh.

Well, I told him to relax and let me manage things, because I'm accustomed to having friends over, making sure the house is clean and welcoming, and that there is plenty of space. For D&D, it was a simple matter of pushing our sofa back a bit, so there was plenty of floor space for maps and books.

Then we popped over to Lakenheath for a few things. I had a much-needed salon appointment at 2 p.m. The last time I had a haircut was in April, before I came to England. Yeesh! It was at the salon on base at Fort Leonard Wood, and the stylist was fabulous. In fact, she and I had been in the same divorce/parent class together at the courthouse, so we chatted about our families. :)

Ah, but that was 8 months ago and my hair was looong. Well, you see the result in my profile picture (which I have no intention of changing any time soon - I love that photo).

Anyway, we stopped at the commissary for some necessities first and then went to the BX. It was so crowded there, and Daniel said, "What the...? Why's it so crowded? They don't sell toys at this one."

I said, "But this one has all the electronics and most of the video games, and *that* is what's hot these days, even for children."

Sure enough, when we walked into the BX for what we needed - black printer ink - the electronics section was teeming with people. Not only that, but most of them were clustered around the Apple display. I think most of them wanted the new iPad. That's just an educated guess based upon the fact that I've heard people talk about how much they want it since the summer.

Well, we bought our ink and then I went to the salon. I brought a book. Yes, a good old-fashioned Nancy Drew book (1960's yellow spine - the blue ones don't leave the house). I see people with e-readers more and more, but I'll always be the girl with a hardcover or paperback. It's just my style. ^.^

It didn't take long for the stylist to get to me, and it was a guy - a cute British guy. I have not had my hair cut by a man since... Oh, 1993 or earlier. So we chatted it up, as usual with a salon visit. I had him lop off about 4 inches, to put my hair just above the shoulders.

When the hubby came back from getting his hair cut, I was just about done. He suggested I pick up a few of my favorite salon products and, knowing that he's pretty miserly (hey, unflattering, but true!), I said, "Um, you do realize that these are quite expensive, right?" But he said, "We're in the month that has your birthday, our anniversary, Christmas... You deserve it." So I left with my favorite shampoo and conditioner (in the pantheon of Ridiculously & Unnecessarily Expensive Beauty Products, I'm a fan of Redken), arm in arm with the hubby.

After we got home, the rest of the night was all about preparing for D&D. I'm an easygoing player. I don't mind taking up slack in a party. For example, one thing you always need in Dungeons & Dragons is a cleric: somebody to cast heal spells after battle. Not everybody is keen on that (I personally avoid playing wizards, sorcerers, and druids - I just feel that spell-casting is a huge pain in the butt), however I am always willing to be the person who fills in the necessary role once everybody has chosen a class.

I prefer fighters. They're easy. You swing a sword. You beat things up. You break stuff. It's an uncomplicated role to play, in my otherwise super Type-A life.

So I am playing a fighter-cleric, or to explain in better detail, a bounty hunter who is also a war cleric. Rawr. I get all the nice benefits of swinging a big sword, as well as the ability to heal people.

We had fun last night with one of Daniel's co-workers, one of the guys who works in... er... I can't remember, but I want to say he's an Air Traffic Controller on base, and then his girlfriend, who is really sweet. Daniel's co-worker's wife was supposed to come, but was sick. That was a huge disappointment to me, because as the guy and I chatted, it became pretty clear that his wife and I have quite a bit in common. He thinks we will get along really well. Hopefully she will make it next time.

Our guests all surprised me by being quite accepting of the fact that we're Pagan (it's pretty darn obvious in our house!), and all of our geekiness (video games, fur-fandom, Star Trek and anime DVDs, and so much more). I really enjoyed their company.

And guess what?

I managed to not pass out until roughly 2 a.m.

Normally, I'm nodding off by 12:30 a.m. and I like to hit the sack by about 1 a.m. on a Friday, and midnight on a Saturday. But, wow, we played until 3 a.m.

I'm young, yes, but at 37, it's kind of hard to keep up with the 21 to 25-year-olds.

Still, I just about managed it. Sure, I woke up rather groggy today after a deep, 7-hour sleep. I was lazy today. Mostly I did dishes, snuggled up to my husband, and watched "Tin Man" (which is a good 4 1/2 hours of movie time).

Work can always wait for Monday. After dinner, I got a jump on things by doing dishes tonight, instead of leaving them for the morning.

That's all. Just babbling about my weekend.

Enthralling, I know. ;)

And now I will leave you with a quote from last night's gaming session, courtesy of my husband:

"One does not Tank Bear into Mordor."

Death With Dignity, Please!

2011-12-09T09:44:00.003Z

OK, so all of you know me and how I basically feel about the military, and this lifestyle.

There are very few things about which I get very passionate, and I'm not an Uber-HUAH Military Wife. In fact, I pretty much dislike being married to the military, because most of everything in this lifestyle is complete and utter bullshit.

However, I am grateful for all the things that the *job* provides. The pay and benefits aren't anything I've ever complained about. They aren't as high as many people believe they ought to be, but I'm grateful to know that my husband's job is guaranteed for a certain number of years, and that leads to a whole lot of other things I appreciate - not about the military lifestyle, but simply about what his job provides us (housing, Cost of Living Allowance, medical benefits, the ability to go to the gym without paying to .

As far as military lifestyle and community, I really dislike it. I don't want to be "a military wife" in the stereotypical sense. The military spouse subculture is ridiculously adolescent and toxic in its overall atmosphere. So I avoid being as big a part of it as I could be.

Then there's all the violations the military commits against humanity and our planet in the course of doing their duty. Too many things to list. The military is as screwed up as the education system, and I'll never, ever 100% support either.

BUT, my gosh, I do care about the normal, everyday people who join the military (for whatever their reasons may be), and this is just beyond disgusting: the partially incinerated remains of service members dumped into a landfill, after coming through Dover Air Force Base.

Wow.

I was at DAFB with my first husband for 10 years. My first husband is an Aerial Porter. Aerial Porters handle human remains to an extent. They remove them from the airplane and provide escort to the DAFB Mortuary. David always felt that providing the escort was a grim (and sometimes messy) job and also one that, when he had to do it, deserved to be done in a dignified way. When he got home from a day of work that involved escorting human remains, you could tell. He took it quite seriously. It's one of those things that brought down his mood pretty severely.

I have no idea if this ri-fucking-diculous idea was DAFB's or came from higher up. You know that if it came from higher up, they're going to place the blame on DAFB. You know that if it came from DAFB, they're going to shift the blame to higher up. It's going to be political BULLSHIT.

Look.

It's not quantum physics or cold fusion. It's "This person's name is ______ and his/her social security number is ______. Having identified said deceased airman/soldier/marine/sailor, we know we need to contact family member _______ and arrange for burial."

And if there isn't a family member, I know for damn sure that they aren't supposed to dump bodies in a landfill.

If my damn medical records can follow me from Dover to Korea to Missouri, go through a divorce and a marriage in the span of 5 days, then follow me from Missouri to England under a new name and sponsor social security number, then Dover can sure as hell handle the remains of service members *properly*!!!

If this happened to my ex-husband or my new husband, I would want somebody's head on a fucking platter. Those families out there whose loved ones' remains - men and women who stepped up to serve our country - are in the landfill, are definitely justified in their grief, anger and horror.

Dear U.S.

Of all your fails over time, this is the *most* EPIC FUCKING FAIL EVER.

Of G's

2011-12-08T09:14:00.000Z

G is for Gavin, who will be here in less than a month! (You can't see it, but I'm jumping up and down with excitement.)

G is for GoodReads. I like seeing good reviews of my books on GoodReads. Who doesn't? I also like finding new books to read, thanks to the people I follow there. GoodReads and book bloggers, especially on Twitter, are how I learn what's new.

G is for really crazy conversations about, well, the letter G! See these G's? ---> G G G G G G G

None of them have a leg in front, right? They just swoop up, rather like a vintage egg-shaped chair, then down and around, as if they have a little table that you can just slide in front of you. But Daniel said last night that some G's have a leg in front. I challenged him and we began looking through our collection of fantasy and sci-fi books for such a G.

Sure enough, he was right. Some G's do have a leg that comes straight down in the front. I looked at him and said, "OK, well that's just a funky font and not a proper G."

He said it certainly was a proper G, so I got exasperated and asked, "Are you speaking in print or cursive?"

He said that he was speaking in print.

I said, "Fine, then I'm speaking in cursive, because at least then all of *my* G's will be uniform and always look correct."

He said, "Wait a second... Speaking in cursive? You mean cursive is a language now?"

It was pretty funny.

Dinner at the pub was nice - just one other table of patrons, two folks at the bar, a fire in the fireplace, and a welcoming atmosphere as always. I didn't get anything special. I had a cheese and bacon burger, a glass of Zinfindel Rose, and a cup of hot chocolate.

We walked home and he kept complaining that it was cold. I said it wasn't, and then pointed out that I was wearing gloves and a scarf, along with my very warm winter jacket, and suggested he at least get a pair of gloves.

At home he wanted to play Rummy, and it turned into such a giggle-fest, that I'm surprised we made it through three hands! But the G conversation came up, along with Russian Roulette, lavagators, Daniel constantly saying, "Don't judge me!", and more weird topics than you can shake a G's lower leg at.

We laughed so hard and it was great fun.

Then I woke up and remembered that, not only am I 37, but my son is now 9... And that means he's ready to read "The Black Stallion" and "Hardy Boys" books, like I did at that age.

So I think you can guess what my second priority will be when Gavin gets here: taking him to the library (after priority one is fulfilled - giving him enough hugs to smother a dinosaur).

A Birthday Conversation

2011-12-07T11:04:00.001Z

Daniel (coming home for lunch): "Birthday girl!"

Me: "Yeah, I know. So, off to take your nap?"

Daniel (hugging me from behind while I do dishes): "Birthday girl."

Me: "OK, OK, now let's just move on." (I turn around to hug him back.) "So for dinner I was going to make..."

Daniel: "No."

Me: "OK, fine, I'll make..."

Daniel: "No. We're going out."

Me: "Why?"

Daniel: "Because it's your birthday."

Me: "But I don't want to go to the pub. I just want to stay home, make sweet potato chili and relax."

Daniel: "But we can go anywhere, and eat and talk and relate."

Me: "We can do that at home."

Daniel: "But you were *born* today. You have to celebrate. You can't be all 'wah, wah, I'm 37'."

Me: "Oh, I'm perfectly fine with turning 37. I just don't need anything."

Daniel: "It's my treat."

Me: "It's always your treat." (Sighing at the way Daniel is looking at me.) "OK, fine. We'll go to the pub. I'll drink wine or something, since I never drink wine. I'll have some White Zin, alright?"

Daniel: "Yay."

Daniel walks away to take his nap and I grumble, "Yeah, because I really want extra fat and calories for my birthday. Yeesh."

Ah, calories. The gift that keeps on giving.

;)

Holiday Havoc

2011-12-06T15:24:00.003Z

When it comes to cards, I've always been an early sender. When it comes to gifts, I've always been a late shopper.

This year, I'm aiming for a middle ground.

Today I went to the Post Office to purchase 2 books of stamps for cards, as well as to mail out copies of The Gossamer Gate to my mom, mother-in-law, and a friend.

Well, there was a much longer line than usual. Generally, the line is non-existent, or maybe 1 or 2 people. I turned right around and left. They sell stamps at the BX, so I got 2 books of stamps there, then sat down in the food court to put them on my cards. Afterwards, I marched on back to the Post Office and just shoved the cards through the U.S. Mail slot.

Hey, I wasn't going to wait in line just to hand the Senior Airman or Staff Sergeant at the window a stack of holiday cards or to purchase 2 books of snowflake stamps. The design on the stamps wasn't vital, and the people working the window had bigger fish to fry. ;)

As for the books... well, I can always try running errands later than I normally do and see if I have better luck on Thursday. But if they don't go out until January, I think everybody will survive.

When I got home, I immediately sat down for gift-ordering on Amazon and a few other sites. There are 10 people for whom we "must" buy gifts - my sister, brother-in-law, 3 nephews, and 2 nieces, and then my husband's mom, stepfather and sister.

As I told my sister, we set a budget/limit for the 10 people in our family who definitely get gifts. There is a slightly higher limit for my son and then, as I joked, my husband and I get to exchange gifts to an infinite degree.

Heh. I wish on that last one! But in all seriousness, I'm such an easy person to please. There are so many things under $10 on my Amazon wishlist for family members who really want to send me something, but I hardly expect it.

The thing about all this gift buying, is that it can be *stressful*. Even if money is no object (though of course, it is!), it's keeping track of people and how to please them that's a pain! Thankfully, I've streamlined everything this year and told the people for whom I am shopping that I'm doing everything online. The end.

No waiting in Post Office lines, no pushing shopping carts through busy BXes or other stores. Just click, click, click, done. In fact, 80% of my shopping was done in the last hour. I plan to finish the other 20% tonight.

Cards sent, gifts bought, house decorated. That's more than half the holiday-season battle. Now I only have one outside obligation left - the gift baskets/tins I want to put together for the people who clean our house. That's it.

I enjoy giving gifts. A lot. It's even better to see a person's face when they open the gift.

But actually going shopping? Not so much. ;)

With the shopping/sending/decorating frenzy out of the way, I can just sit back, relax and appreciate this season for what it means to me.

There is the spiritual side for us - the rebirth of the God with the Goddess as his mother - and also the very personal side. December has my son's birthday (which was last Saturday), my birthday (um... tomorrow... but we can skip it), Yule, our wedding anniversary, Christmas, and New Year's.

This is a time for emotional warmth, gratitude and togetherness, as far as I am concerned.

Conversations With My Cat

2011-12-05T09:00:00.000Z

It all started with dreams.

Really weird and somewhat scary dreams last night.

First of all, I dreamed that I was going to the bathroom and, as I sat there, blood was dripping on me. Now, in the dream, I figured it was a nosebleed, so I tried to turn on the light. The problem was the light didn't work.

Fine, fine. So I went to my bedroom and told Daniel (in the dream) that there was blood, and I needed to see what was going on. He sort of mumbled and I tried to switch on the light on the bedside table. Again, it didn't work.

Side note: There are two things I hate in dreams - the ones where you can't cover your eyes (or where you see right through your hands if you do) and the ones where the lights don't work.

Well, I grabbed a tissue and got in bed. I asked Daniel to turn on the flashlight, which he did, and started wiping at the blood that had dripped on my hands. At that point, I heard this strange rumbling sound downstairs and everything started shaking. I tried to get Daniel to wake up more, but he wouldn't.

The dream was a little too "Poltergeist"-movieish for me, so when I woke up from it at that point, I butt-leapt on Daniel.

That is, I jumped at him butt first.

Still not following? Let me explain.

I curled up like a potato bug and launched myself at him from my bum. I have no idea how I did it. I just know that one minute I was curled up, and the next I was in his lap, still all curled up. Since you can't exactly use your back muscles to propel yourself, I have to conclude that my butt is just that talented.

Well, the doozy was the second dream, which wasn't scary. It was just *weird*. Well, no, kind of scary too.

In it, I was asked to come to a Commander's Call on base. I went and the guy in charge of Daniel's squadron (uh, some Colonel? His Chief? I have no clue, since my husband doesn't bring me to any squadron functions and doesn't care to go to them himself) told me that he had something special for my husband.

I sat down and I was reading issue #2 of She-Ra Magazine. Remember She-Ra magazine? I do. I loved it and remember each issue vividly. This is what issue 2 looked like:

It was so funny to see it in my dream, because I haven't seen it since, well, the day it came out!

Anyway, I sat down and was reading it, when I saw Daniel and my ex-husband sitting next to each other. In the dream, Daniel was apparently in charge of the squadron and David was the guy who did all the talking on his behalf!

Everybody got settled and then sang "Happy Birthday" to me (P.S. this Wednesday is a figment of everybody's imagination... a figment... a figment...), and then offered some sort of certificate to Daniel... which David accepted on his behalf.

I finally stood up and said, "What are you doing here? You aren't even in the same squadron!" and that woke me up.

Well, I went back to bed after telling Daniel about the dreams at 6 a.m. He tucked me in and told me to get some restful sleep.

Guess what happened an hour later?

There was a kitten. In my bed. Chewing on my hair.

We don't let her in the bedroom at night, which is kind of sad and pathetic because she will meow for lovings. I take pity on her sometimes and let her in, but she's so rambunctious that it is just a bad idea. She looks pretty cozy in the Gryphon Lounge (our game room), and sleeps pretty well in there, so don't feel too bad for her. Also, when I come downstairs, there are ornaments *everywhere*. Yeah, she's energetic.

So there she was, chewing on my hair. Naturally this led to a conversation:

Me: "What are you doing?"

Kobold: "I'm hungry."

Me: "Dude! You have, like, at least a cup of food in your bowl."

Kobold: "Yeah, but I want more. I ate some in the night and it's no longer packed neatly together."

Me: "Too bad. It won't kill you to eat one piece at a time."

Kobold: "Food!"

Me: "Sleep!"

Kobold: "I'll eat your hair until you're bald."

Me: "Give me an hour, hour and a half, tops."

Kobold: "Omnomnomnomhairnomnomnom."

Me: "Buh-bye."

Yes, she got kicked out of the bedroom.

And, oh yes, she survived just fine while I slept another hour and a half until 8:30 a.m....

But first I dreamed that I went to Spain or Italy for some sort of military function, and there was a running race as well (I wasn't in that - I can't run). Then I appeared in concert with one of the guys from Alabama.

That was probably the weirdest dream of all, because I don't like country music.

Kitty in a Tree, #2

2011-12-03T22:03:00.002Z

Technically she was *under* the tree when we put it up last night.

Tonight.. yes, she was in it. Here she is checking it out from within:

Is it just me, or does it look like she's making room/clearing space in there?

And then clearly making herself comfortable. *le sigh* Why are they so cute when they're being naughty?

Solstice Tree

2011-12-02T19:49:00.000Z

Well, back to light-hearted topics! Here is Kobold checking out her first tree for the holiday season:

Death

2011-11-29T11:09:00.001Z

This is a topic that really bothers some people.

I brought it up to my husband last night. My Nana fell and hit her head the other day. She has stitches in the back of her head, and they expect she'll be alright. They kept her in the hospital for observation for 2 nights and my mom and aunt believe she may benefit from some kind of assisted living arrangement.

One thing my mom mentioned in her message to me that Nana is afraid of death.

It's something I don't quite comprehend when people fear death, because it's inevitable. I feel like we just have to accept it, particularly when we have been fortunate enough to live a long life.

But it makes many people incredibly uncomfortable. Goodness knows that when I say to my husband I want to go to bed at 82 or 84 or, preferably, 86 (because even numbers are so tidy) and simply not wake up the next morning, he hates that.

Now, I'm not too comfortable with aging beyond 80, because I do fear Alzheimer's. It runs in the family and I've seen a great-grandmother and my grandma both forget who people are, situations, and more. It's difficult to watch.

However, death itself? It doesn't bother me. I don't want to die until my son is an adult, but that's more for his benefit than mine.

What does bother me about death is when it happens too early. It's something you can't exactly reverse, so when an accident (aka "preventable injury") results in death, that's heartbreaking. So is suicide. When you "go too young", it's just terrible. I do hate the fact that causing another living creature's death is something that you can't take back. Once it's done, it's done.

My husband hates to talk about death. I don't know if it's because his dad died young (as a result of an accident at home) or because he's so young himself. I don't know if it bothers me less, because of all the funerals I have attended and because I have experienced the heartbreak of losing loved ones to both suicide (my uncle Larry, who shot himself - we had to have a closed casket and were denied the opportunity to even see his face one last time; it was that gruesome) and an accident (my uncle Jon in the sinking of the Marine Electric).

I've also seen my share of grandparent, great-grandparent, great-aunt, and great-uncle deaths. To me, these older folks passing on was simply a fact of life. The loss of my two dear uncles was much, much more difficult.

But nothing out there makes me actually fear death.

Let's just leave out my spiritual and religious beliefs as a Pagan - the fact that I do believe in an afterlife and reincarnation. Even if those things do not exist/do not happen, I still feel like there is nothing to fear. Even if what I believe does not turn out to be true, I still don't feel a need to worry about death. Nor do I dwell on it. It's just... there.

Of course, you have people who agree with my husband - it's something they don't want to talk about, let alone think about. They just aren't ready to face it and they may never be ready.

Then you have people on the other end of the spectrum. Back around the time she turned 60 or so, my ex-mother-in-law went pretty mental. It was like she was trying to score points for God constantly. As my ex-husband put it, "She's thinking about her mortality." And, of course, you have those folks who believe that death is a glorious thing because they will meet God or Allah, so they welcome it with open arms.

I find *that* mentality much more creepy than my own quiet acceptance of death and my willingness to talk about it openly.

Oddly enough, though, if Daniel had not lost his father, we probably would have never met. It makes me sad that I will never know his father, but I feel that he brought us together.

If This Were My Daughter...

2011-11-28T14:35:00.003Z

So people are up in arms about that whole Kansas Governor Brownback/disrespectful teenaged tweet thing.

I'll be honest and say that I don't really care.

Nor do I believe the girl should necessarily apologize. She should learn to choose her words more carefully, but I can see that she was making a joke. 99% of what I personally post as a status on Facebook, for example, is a joke. People take things too damn seriously. If she were my daughter, I'd remind her that everything we put on the internet is public and will determine how people see us. Then I would leave it at that. She is old enough to make her own decisions.

*However* some people are all kinds of upset, saying that she is a big ol' meanie and a liar.

It is true that good comedy always contains a grain of truth - it's exaggeration or pinpointing one specific component of an issue or situation.

But if she were my daughter, I would not make her apologize. I would suggest she choose her words and, if she truly cares about something, find a more eloquent way to state it.

Honestly, I cannot see getting upset over this when I see people saying far, far worse things about other politicians. When you consider the range of nasty statements aimed at Obama (from "Nobama" to "socialist" to the suggestion that he ought to be assassinated), or the awful things said about Bush (being labelled as an idiotic coward), or any other politician, this tweet is really a silly thing to get upset about.

Then again, this is why I avoid politics - because people get downright hateful about others' points of view, and any remarks on such a story degenerate into name-calling.

This is why I tend to keep my political leanings quiet. Why start a debate? Oh, how I hate debate.

As for this, it is not a matter of politics, but parenting. People are going to weigh in on what an awful mother this girl has, or what a wonderful mother she is for rearing a free-thinking daughter.

Me? I say deal with it. If people want the freedom to say hateful - even treasonous - things about any president (past, present or future), then surely an 18-year-old girl should be allowed a misguided attempt at comedy.

My Black Friday

2011-11-25T10:12:00.000Z

First of all, I woke up feeling much, much better today. :)

Second, I just hate the words "Black Friday". I don't know why. Maybe they sound racist to me...?

Well, I'm not a shopper. Oh, I have plenty of friends who go out and make the most of the deals offered, but it's not my personal style.

After all, the people I need to get gifts for are back in the U.S. So I'm an Amazon.com shopper. It saves me time, hassle and postage.

Basically, my Black Friday will be spent here at home, enjoying my husband's company during this long weekend. I *will* work - writing, of course. Hubby is working on his math midterm right now. But once that's done, we'll enjoy a normal weekend, which includes playing video games and watching movies together (after our "Harry Potter" marathon, something funny is in order. "This is Spinal Tap" is our pick).

We'll make an after-supper run to the BX (not before, while it's full of rabid Black Friday shoppers) for some candy and snacks. There aren't too many leftovers from yesterday, but I won't concern myself with making lunch or supper today. Maybe we'll put out a holiday decoration or two. We already have a couple of things out.

So I plan to relax and just do what I always do.

Here's wishing all of you a lovely, long weekend with family or holiday preparations, or whatever it is you enjoy doing this time of year.

It's Thanksgiving Here Too

2011-11-24T21:55:00.003Z

Well, that is, it's Thanksgiving for all the American families living here. I'm sure that there are plenty of people on and off-base in this area, recovering from their lunches and dinners.

Since we had fish, there was none of that turkey-induced sleepiness. However, I did wake up with a headache. It wasn't too bad at first - I felt like my head was full or there was a vise squeezing it. Ugh.

I don't normally get headaches, but then it turned into something sharp and pulsating at roughly 6 p.m. I guess that's a migraine. It was a new experience and one I don't care to repeat.

Hubby tucked me into bed and gave me some mint tea. I woke up 3 hours later feeling *much* better. :)

Our Thanksgiving was lovely, despite that annoyance. We ate around 1 p.m. and had flounder, mashed potatoes, corn, butternut squash, cranberry sauce, stuffing, and rolls. It was hubby's first time trying butternut squash and he liked it. He really liked it! ^.^

It was too much food for 2 people, so we do have leftovers. Kobold got her own bit of fish, and Avery was treated to a tiny bit of fish, squash and corn. I also made pumpkin pie for the first time ever. It turned out surprisingly edible. Usually I just buy a Mrs. Smith's and leave it at that, because the pie is never for me (I don't like pie).

We wanted to watch either "Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer" or some "Star Trek: Voyager" after we ate, but I just ended up feeling worse and worse until I fell asleep.

I must say that Daniel has all the amazing talent of a Kitchen Witch. When he makes me some tea or something to eat, it always does what he wants it to. The mint tea definitely made me feel better. :) It's going on 10 p.m. here and I'm just a little sleepy, and *very* hungry. Time for some more mint tea and a few chocolate cookies. (Oh, my husband just stole my cup as I said that out loud, and took it into the kitchen to make me some more.)

Well, tomorrow we are staying in - no Black Friday for us, thanks. I'm happy that the e-book of The Gossamer Gate is priced at $.99 for the weekend shoppers, and that's about as close to the shopping frenzy as I get. ;)

Here's hoping that all of you had a lovely Thanksgiving. If you are going shopping tomorrow, I hope you find all the deals you desire.

Tuesday Ramblings

2011-11-22T08:57:00.000Z

I hate the assumption that everybody in the world has a cell phone. Unfortunately, we do have one, but it is 99% useless since I guess it doesn't have a calling plan on it. It's just so work can reach my husband if he's not at home, but he never carries it... so it's rather pointless. Why are we paying for it again?

My husband really ought to sell our other car too. He refuses to drive it. I can't drive it (it's a standard and I am dangerous on those). It'd be nice if he would sell it before the road tax comes due on it in March.

My kitten *farts*. What is up with that? Never in my life have I had a cat who, not just farts audibly, but smells as bad as a human after doing so! Honestly, if my other two cats have ever farted in their lives, I have not noticed it.

Now I keep dreaming about "Harry Potter" since we have been watching the movies. The husband was eager to watch "Deathly Hallows, Part 1" last night. At the end, he turned to me and said, "You know, I don't think that last book was written for children."

Afterwards, I was making frantic gestures and screaming, "WHAT IS THE SEVENTH HORCRUX? TELL ME, TELL ME! YOU MUST HAVE SOME THEORIES!"

It kind of drove me nuts that he never commented on whether or not he thought Snape was good or evil. Of course, I know all the answers, having read the books. But I thought it was only natural to theorize, even if one has only seen the movies.

The husband makes good jokes. Funny jokes that only weird people, like me, can truly appreciate. Last week, for example:

Me: "What are you doing home early?"

Him: "Well, apparently that class that I was going to required sign-ups, which they didn't bother to tell anybody."

Me: "Oh?"

Him: "Yeah, so the Effective Decision-Making class was cancelled since nobody actually signed up - everybody thought they just needed to show up. So I made the ineffective decision to go shopping."

Today I have to shop for the Thanksgiving food. I walk, which I like. We already have a bag of potatoes, so I don't have to carry anything terribly heavy. Just need to get fish (if they have cod at this commissary - if they don't, I'll have to ask hubby to buy it at the other commissary), the vegetables, the appetizers, and some apple cider for him (not me; I hate apple-based anything).

When my bird molts, he gnaws on his feathers. In fact, when he is near the kitten, he likes to gnaw on her fur. I think he likes the feeling of fur and feathers in his beak. Too bad the kitten doesn't appreciate it.

I guess I'd be wary of a razor-sharp can-opener beak coming near me too...

Homeschool Re-evaluation Time!

2011-11-21T12:41:00.002Z

Like most homeschoolers, I keep a close eye on our chosen program of study. I evaluate and re-evaluate periodically. Sometimes we know right away that something just does not work. Other times, we stick with something to see if maybe we can push through and find a point where it does work for us.

That is why I love homeschooling. My son is not forced to stick with something that just is not working for him. He doesn't have to struggle to *get* something. If it isn't working, we try a different method or program.

It's difficult to evaluate from this distance, and it is very important that his father and soon-to-be-stepmom both communicate with me about what is going on. For example, when his dad finally told me that our son is complaining that things are getting "too hard", I suggested reviewing those subjects - instead of leaping ahead, taking a step back to go over concepts a few times until he felt comfortable.

After all, I don't put a deadline on what my son "should" know. I am not teaching to a test. What matters to me are three things: 1. Literacy, 2. Keeping his love of learning alive, and 3. Reinforcing real-life concepts, while letting go of things that are useless.

The end of the calendar year represents an approximate mid-point in the homeschool year for us. It's a time to order new books and workbooks for the new year, and to consider either scaling back or stepping up what we are doing.

My son is coming to me in January and the current arrangement means he will be here for 8 months, because he would like to try public school next August.

I am fine with this, as posted earlier, so now I am looking at the coming year and trying to determine how we will handle our homeschooling. Will I continue with our current plan of "fourth grade" work? Will I give him a chance to sort of step back and relax here and there?

I think - and it's hard to plan with any certainty, as I do better when I can look at and flip through his current workbooks and books - that we will do the following:

1. Continue onward with math (Teaching Textbooks) and French (Rosetta Stone) as is.

2. Continue onward with reading, naturally, but *not* pursue another grammar program once he is done with First Language Lessons for the Well-Trained Mind, Level 4. I feel that 2 years of grammar instruction and diagramming sentences is enough. Not sure if they will revisit that in school (I don't know which grade they will place him in - 4th, even though we have done 4th grade level work? 5th, even though he is a year younger than 5th graders?). However, I think what we'll do is focus on reading and playing Mad Libs.

So I will take a balanced approach to reading as far as some structure (I do have literary expectations of him, such as reading certain classics this year) and some unschooly fun (Mad Libs rock).

3. Drop spelling after he completes Spelling Workout D.

4. Continue forward with Handwriting Without Tears and increase writing practice to 4 days a week, from 1.

5. Continue with art, science (physics) and history (modern) as planned.

These are just ideas, mind you. I will definitely sit down and go over the plans, the resources I have here, and what he has already completed, so I can come up with a concrete plan.

I think he has worked very, very hard since he was 5-years-old. He always enjoyed it at that age. Now, in addition to his natural talent for math, he is showing a definite interest in science. Having come through the first four years of The Well-Trained Mind with flying colors, I would like to slow everything down and give him the opportunity to enjoy a more relaxed home education, before he goes to school.

Ick.

6 a.m. mornings? Well, better his dad than me. ;)

Harry Potter

2011-11-19T22:45:00.001Z

I think that my husband is, perhaps, the one person in the world who has not read all of the Harry Potter books, except:

A. People who simply don't enjoy that genre of book and

B. Certain religious types who have some kind of weird agenda against them, of course - sorry, folks, but the witchcraft in Harry Potter is nothing like the Witchcraft we Pagans practice in real life; our spells don't go *zing* *bling* *boom*... It'd be cool if they did, though!

He did read the first three books, but lost interest due to the fact that the books were so "young".

Alas, his Harry Potter education was then left to gossip. He knows so-and-so dies here, and so-and-so dies there, and that's only because people talk.

So I suggested we watch all eight movies.

As we have watched each movie, he has enjoyed them more and more. Tonight, I brought him up to speed (to an extent) with "Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix". That one is my personal favorite. ^.^

What I cannot wait is for him to see "Deathly Hallows".

Now, here's the thing: I held off on seeing either part, so I'm quite curious:

1. Does Mrs. Weasley yell "NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!" at Bellatrix, like in the book? (I hope so.)

2. Does it go into Snape's past and his love for Lily. (I hope so. I had a crush on Snape from the first to the last, and cried all through "Deathly Hallows" as a I read it... Though that might have been partially due to lack of sleep, since I purchased the book at the midnight release and did not sleep until I was done reading it.)

3. Does it get into the Tonks-Lupin romance and baby, as well as them naming Harry as the godfather? (I hope so. I bawled my eyes out when they died. They were my two favorite characters, besides Snape.)

4. Does it show Harry, Ginny, Ron, Hermione, their families and - more importantly - Harry's godson at the end?

Well, we'll probably see later this week, thanks to the long weekend.

Though we were invited to spend Thanksgiving with some lovely Pagan/military friends here (the same ones who threw the Halloween party we enjoyed so much), my husband and I want to stay home for a quiet first holiday together.

The same goes for Yule, though we won't be averse to attending a Yule party. It's just that we want a quiet Yule ritual and intimate Christmas morning together. Furthermore, our wedding anniversary is exactly in between those two dates.

Add mine and my son's birthdays in the first week of the month and, well...

Makes for a rather hectic December, wouldn't you say?

A Confession

2011-11-19T15:54:00.002Z

I must confess that there are days I wish I was normal.

By "normal", I mean a track-suit wearing, mom-style-hair, 2 1/2-kids chauffeuring, living-vicariously-through-my-husband's career, typical military spouse.

Instead of being the one that people are threatened by because I "use big words".

Instead of being the one who says, "You want cookies for some squadron event? Make them yourself."

Instead of being the weird, liberal, Pagan homeschooler that you wouldn't see in the chapel or the PTA meeting.

Instead of being the one told that she looks like "a blonde Wednesday Addams" when she goes out in public.

Because if I was "normal", maybe I would have a friend to share bitchy gossip with at the commissary or the thrift store, or to giggle with about that weird Wednesday Addams-looking girl who just walked by, instead of being the one that people stare at.

Or instead of being the one that guys ogle and say, "Heyyyy" to when I walk by.

Instead of being the one with a career that comes before anything the military could ever want.

Instead of being the one who tells the Key Spouse, "No thanks, I'm not interested in meeting other spouses." (Why would I want to meet people who have looked down on me time and again for being different? I didn't do anything to them, except exist.)

I could be normal and do all those normal things.

But then I wouldn't be me and all the "friends" I could amass by pretending to be normal would not be real friends.

I'm a bit homesick these days, which is exacerbated when I run errands and see the mommy mafia packs roaming the BX.

But the difference between me and them is that, when my husband's enlistment is over, I'll be thrilled and relieved. My life isn't a hierarchy of spouses or spouses' bosses.

It's all about what makes me happy, and living through (versus with) another person isn't it.

So if you see a feminist military spouse out there who says, "Yeah, it's my husband's job, but it's not *my* life", tell her she's awesome for that.

More Kobold Cute

2011-11-18T12:36:00.000Z

As Sarah said yesterday, some kitties are tree kitties and others are not.

Now Kobold is throwing "Sink Kitty" into the mix.

Wow! Clearly she is a kitten of many talents.

Kitty in a Tree

2011-11-17T10:03:00.001Z

Our bird has a tree. It's a place for him to play, eat and do other things. I keep it close to my desk, so we can play while I work:

Of course, he's like a toddler, so even though I have toys there on my desk for chewing and swinging, he prefers my fingers, my laptop, etc.

Then there's Kobold.

Cats do not belong in trees. You see cartoons and 50's TV shows all the time with firemen being called out to rescue them from trees. Right?

If they should not climb a regular outdoor tree, should they climb a teeny bird tree? I mean, Kobold has been playing in the tray beneath the tree, but never actually climbed it or jumped into the tree itself... before today, anyway.

I guess it's relatively safe.

Until Avery realizes she's trespassing in his territory. ;)

"The Gossamer Gate" in Paperback

2011-11-16T16:07:00.001Z

For those who have been waiting for The Gossamer Gate to pop up on Amazon in paperback, here you go! It's 292 pages of romantic adventure in the not-so-nice faerie Otherworld.

I Need Some Holiday Advice

2011-11-16T14:27:00.000Z

First of all, thank you ladies for the pick-me-up comments yesterday. We all have our bad days, yes? Or, as Karisma said, she was actually having one of those years! Oh my gosh and *hugs* back to you, Karisma.

Still, even on days like that, I manage to feel grateful - grateful for friends and family, and especially for my physical and mental health. In particular, I can not imagine what it must be like for people who are depressed to have a bad day, if such a day makes a (oh, I hate to use this word) normal person like me want to simply burst into hormonal tears.

But, yes, I woke up to better things and back in my usual, cheerful mood.

It is finally getting colder here. October was gorgeous. November has been warm up until this past Sunday. Even still, most people would consider temperatures in the low 50's to be warm for late November, wouldn't you agree?

However, that tends to be a bit cool for me, what with Reynaud's Disease (basically, I'm allergic to the cold), so I had to go from my leather jacket to my winter coat, and now I need to carry gloves just in case. Otherwise, my fingertips turn purple. Lovely, yes?

That said, here's another thing for which I'm grateful: I'm grateful that I don't suffer any of the other symptoms, like migraines. It's easier to wrap myself up in warm layers than to... well, I don't know how to deal with migraines, but I hear they're just awful. My heart goes out to people who suffer from them.

Well now, I actually do need some holiday advice from you folks, especially anybody here in the UK.

First of all, I've learned that the British do not generally tip for services rendered. That said, I need to know if there's an exception for the holidays.

We live in a lovely house, let to us by a landlord with several properties. Because he is very cautious about his investments, he has a cleaning staff. Even though I keep my house *very* clean (every morning after I go through email, blogs, forums, and Facebook, cleaning is my next priority), the cleaning staff still comes here every Wednesday to do their job.

The ladies and gentleman who come are wonderful. They don't actually have to do much work, because I'm so clean and they have acknowledged it time and time again.

That said, they are next door... Oh, for at least a good 45 minutes every day. But my neighbor has a baby, so I imagine cleaning isn't her priority and she takes full advantage of the services included in our rent. Goodness knows that when my son was a baby, cleaning was an afterthought, so I understand.

Anyway, here's my dilemma:

They provide me a service that I don't necessarily pay directly for, though I imagine part of the calculation that determines the rent paid by tenants in my landlord's homes includes the cost of his cleaning staff. They are his employees - not an outside service.

They actually only do 2 things - clean my bathroom and vacuum my floors (I clean the bathroom every Monday, and vacuum on Mondays and Fridays). I generally put out our trash myself and wash our own dishes - 2 other things they would do if I didn't.

They are doing work that I would normally do on a Wednesday, but I don't have to since they come here, which is nice. But I'm not paying them...

So what do I give them for Yule/Solstice/Christmas?

Since I don't know their salary, I can't really calculate a percentage to tip. Then again, Brits don't tip. So should I just give them a straight-up cash gift of so many pounds/quid?

Or should I give gifts or cookies?

One of the cleaning ladies actually told us this house was open (we were living in a much smaller flat previously) and I do want to give her something extra. I asked and she happens to like vodka, so I'd like to get her a nice-quality bottle of it.... But is it inappropriate to give somebody like that alcohol as a gift?

Thoughts?

Should Have Stayed in Bed...

2011-11-15T14:17:00.000Z

It's just been one of those days and, well, we're all bound to have them at least every so often. I consider myself fortunate to only have One of Those Days maybe once a month or once every two months. Some people have One of Those Years, or even One of Those Lives.

In a way, I suppose having a "meh" (or, worse, straight-up bad) day helps keep us balanced. I'm generally happy and things generally go well. So to wake up and have things go not right once in a great while reminds me that things can't be perfect all the time.

Oh, it's just general, personal crap. Too bad it doesn't have to do with something in my immediate control, like family and friends. Then I could just *make* it work on my behalf. Heh.

Well, that's about all I have to say about today. Odds are, everybody can relate, and there's no point in complaining, particularly when my Should Have Stayed in Bed Day is probably minor compared to what some people deal with in their lives.

So to those who are having a worse day than me, I hope tomorrow is better. :)

Happy Bookish Things

2011-11-09T17:07:00.001Z

Well, instead of ranting, here's some happy bookish things.

First of all, The Gossamer Gate is now available in paperback. It's roughly 292 pages long (well, 282 of that is story - heh) and going for the usual paperback price of $9.99.

It should also be up on Amazon about a week from now. ^.^

It's a contemporary fantasy about a Pagan High Priestess who had a not-so-nice encounter with a faery in her past... and he's come back 9 years later looking to even the score. (Oh my!)

The other happy bookish thing is the cover for my Steampunk fantasy, Heart & Fire, which will be released by Eternal Press in April 2012:

I'm in love with this cover. This is the first of a trilogy, so that's good news for people who always say to me, "I want to read *more* about these characters!" I must warn you that the main characters change from book to book in the series, but the three of them (all strong female characters) do meet each other and work together in the end.

Meanwhile, I have another book release slated for March (another standalone novel called The Pain Maiden - phew - cover art for that should come soon) and I'm working furiously on NaNoWriMo and revisions to another completed and betaed (that is, a disinterested party who loves the genre read it and gave critique/feedback to help make it better) manuscript.

I'll focus on the spring releases *after* the holidays.

A Rant About Clown Cars & Personhood

2011-11-09T10:09:00.003Z

So. Duggars. Another. What's that saying we always read online? Oh yes...

OK, so that's me getting squished *into* a car and pretending its a clown car (3 1/2 years ago), instead of coming out of one, but you get the idea.

Meh. Yeah, I said it - the verbal/written equivalent of a shrug. To each their own. The world is full of some sick, loony people, whose extremist views endangers themselves. As long as they don't endanger the rest of us, have at it.

I'll stick to my personal belief that moderation in all things is healthier and hope that my son grows up sane enough to see through the craziness in our world.

Oh, and that Mississippi Personhood Amendment? I'm glad it failed. So very glad. I read some weird comments on an article about it, one of which said women need to stop using birth control pills as a "crutch". Huh? A crutch for what? Not getting pregnant? That makes zero sense.

(Edited to add: Yeah, you know what I should have said to that person? "You're right! Let's throw out our birth control pills and just stop giving sex to all those undeserving, penis-waving men who think they have a right to propose legislature on our bodies. WOO!")

Yes, the point of birth control is to - duh - control whether or not your body is prepared for a child. There are other useful side effects, like regulated periods, but I have never, ever understood any arguments against birth control. I semi-understand the arguments against the so-called "abortion pill", even if I don't agree with them. But birth control?

Maybe it's because I grew up in liberal New England, where I was taught these insane ideas about personal freedom and personal responsibility, that a woman can make her own choices about how to live her life and whether or not she wants children.

That's why I can't get all, "Oh, the Duggars are morons" because it's their choice to be the - um - way that they are. Maybe the mother was indoctrinated into it by her upbringing. I have no idea. If so, she doesn't know any better, so she chose what she knows. Fine. That's for them and certainly not for anybody with a rational mind, or a wider view of the world (yes, I am saying that the odds are highly in favor of them being close-minded people).

There is no rational argument against birth control. Just none. Unless, of course, you want to bring nature and god/dess into it, and say that we shouldn't tamper with those things.

Just think... a world without birth control...

It'd probably be a world without sex too.

Because, honestly, if I didn't want a baby, I just wouldn't have sex with my husband. Nope, none, zip, zilch, nada.

Of course, then you have the fundamentalists who would be all, "A woman can't deny her husband and blah blah blah."

Those people are talking from their asses. Oh, I mean, the Bible. Right. Their asses. Come on, people! I believe in god/dess as much as the next person (and even more than some), and She has never told me, "Wendy, you must get pregnant to please me. Wendy, you must risk your health to please me. Wendy, you must not stop until your body naturally shuts down."

I guess I've just never understood the mentality of doing what you're told without question. If my husband is reading this, he's going to be laughing and nodding, saying, "Yeah, that's Wendy. She questions everything."

All I'm saying is, if your best friend jumped off a bridge, would you do it too? (Hey, now I really *get* what my dad meant even more than I did as an adolescent.)

Those who said "yes" need to go do just that right now. The rest of us will just stay here and watch.

Homeschooling Update

2011-11-07T09:25:00.000Z

There haven't been many updates, since my son isn't here at the moment, so here goes!

Well, my adorable Gavinator will be back in January and we'll homeschool through the remainder of the year as usual.

However, he has expressed a desire to go to school. Because he keeps bringing it up, my ex and I talked about it and came to an agreement with Gavin on how this will work. My husband is supportive and believes that we should respect my son's wishes.

The child has never been to school, nor does he know what it means to attend. We've tried to explain that it's an early, looong day, mostly of sitting around quietly. I don't know what he imagines, but maybe I can take him to see what a school is like one day.

My concern is that his evil grandmother is the reason he wants to go to school. I can't wait until he's old enough to truly understand that her opinion does not matter and that *nobody* and *nothing* is ever good enough for her - that she's just a toxic person who is miserable, and who wants to make everybody else around her miserable too.

But my hope is that he wants to go out of curiosity. As long as he understands that he's not going to be able to sit there gabbing all day with classmates, that it will be 6 hours a day of work instead of 2, and that there's going to be a bunch of rules way more restrictive than those at home, then it will hopefully be all good. ;)

So when he gets back here in January, we'll finish out our homeschooling year as planned and I'll do what I can to prepare him for going to school. It's not my choice - a 6-hour school day is such a waste of time, when he can learn more (and not have the work dumbed down) in 2 hours.

And I don't have much faith in a school that asks my ex-husband, "Has your son been using an accredited homeschooling program?"

Uh, what? Derp? Are you that ignorant? Look at the child's age, see that he would start 4th grade and put him there. If you think he's better off in 5th grade, then move him on up.

I sent my ex 91 pages of homeschool "transcript" and said, "Give *that* to the school and tell them that's the kind of work he's been doing."

Sorry, but I doubt any other child in that school has read Beowulf or The Iliad, has been studying French, has gone through a course of biology, astronomy, chemistry, or physics, and has studied history from the ancients until modern day.

I am glad that we got an entire 4-year cycle of The Well-Trained Mind in before this happened. Now I am curious to see how that education translates into public school. Also, I don't want to hear that the DODs schools are somehow superior.

They aren't. They have the same issues as public schools - some of them are good and some of them are bad. Some teachers care about their work and the children, and some are ignorant morons. They teach to the test and not to prepare a person for real life or college. Even worse, they're full of military brats.

Mind you, I'm not anti-public school. I know that they have good and bad, like everything else in life. Education should be a matter of choice and, as far as I'm concerned, homeschooling is a far more logical choice for a number of reasons.

But I survived public school and I'm sure my son will too. In fact, I'm very curious to see how it works out for him on a number of levels.

To Make a Short Story Long...

2011-11-03T18:03:00.000Z

So, besides today's turd burgling incident, I thought I'd share tonight's conversation.

We were chatting about odd things blended together. For example, when I first arrived in Missouri last November, my sister showed me around teeny, tiny Waynesville.

There, just off the main street, behind the court house and near the Post Office, is a business that says:

"Gifts & Computer Repair"

At the time, I mocked it good-naturedly. "Look, you can get Hallmark and Hewlett Packard in the same place!"

Tonight, remembering the few months spent there, my husband and I got to talking about weird ideas brought together.

I said, "Like having a candy shop, while your husband's dentist office is upstairs, but that's just boring. It's not nearly as cute or clever as other ideas..."

Like what other ideas? We wondered about it and I suggested:

"Veterinarian with a wife who's a taxidermist."

Though we both agree that's just disturbing, it was still kind of funny.

So what can you think of in this particular vein of silliness?

It can be a real life example or something you invent, and the two ideas don't necessarily have to go together. In fact, the more incongruous, offbeat or disturbing, the better.

Future Conversation, Take 1

2011-11-03T10:54:00.000Z

When you're home, taking care of the house, the children, working from home, etc., and your partner works outside the home all day, there are those future conversations - those talks that *must* be had when he or she gets home. Sometimes they're good and sometimes they're bad. Sometimes, they're downright shitty.

Here is the conversation I must have with my husband when he gets home for lunch:

Me: "So, you know how sometimes you refer to Avery as a 'Turd Burglar', just because it sounds funny?"

Daniel's anticipated response: "Yeah?"

Me: "Well, I must inform you that he has, in fact, burgled a turd from Kobold's litter box today."

Samhain Candlelight

2011-10-30T21:26:00.000Z

From our altar and mirrored sideboard:

We invited loved ones who have passed to visit us this Samhain Eve. The ritual was not without a few tears and deep messages.

Samhain Blessings to you and yours!

Pumpkin Time!

2011-10-30T16:49:00.000Z

We visited the local pumpkin patch and maze. This was a first for me - we don't really do corn mazes in Massachusetts. I'm a total city girl, I know. ;)

Actually gutting and carving the Jack O'Lantern were firsts for my husband. He said his dad generally handled this task. As soon as we got in the house, got some 80's music on (starting with "Thriller"), and got set up in the kitchen, I guided him through the joys of opening the pumpkin, squishing your hands all around in it, and gutting it.

We threw the seeds in a colander, rinsed them when the fun, squishy work was done, and put them on a warm cookie sheet in a preheated oven, with plenty of salt and butter. My husband had also never had home-roasted pumpkin seeds. In my family, my dad did this every year while my sister and I worked on the pumpkins.

While the seeds roasted, we carved our pumpkins. Hubby just went with a Cthulhu-like design that was sort of off-the-cuff and last minute.

Yeah. Look at that. His first carving EVER.

Just never mind the fact that *mine* looks like a 5-year-old did it. >.<

That said, it's been a great day! The Gossamer Gate has been reduced to $.99 in celebration of Halloween and should show up on Amazon tomorrow too. The cover art for Heart & Fire was waiting in my email today and it looks *breathtaking*. I also got an update on the wedding anniversary gift that I ordered for my husband and I am very impressed with it.

Well, we're off to watch "Frankenstein" with Boris Karloff. What are you doing on this night before Halloween?

Whirlwind Weekend

2011-10-29T14:35:00.000+01:00

I feel like I've been going a million miles a minute, and it's barely Saturday afternoon! First, costume photos:

My husband had a gun holstered on the other side. The boys at the party were totally enamored of it. I kept trying to steal it too. ;)

Oh my gosh, we were the old fuddy-duddies of the night. We left at 9:30! We were both so tired. But when we got home, we knew we couldn't just go to bed at 10 o'clock on a Friday night, so we walked on base to the shoppette for a few goodies. That cold night air woke us up a tiny bit. A few people stared, but not many. Daniel wasn't sure how people would take us. I pointed out that it's Halloween and people will assume we were at a party, which was true.

The *only* time I have ever batted an eyelash at a Halloween costume was last year in Korea. I was in the shoppette and this gorgeous guy walked in wearing a skin-tight police costume. This was the type of costume you'd see in a strip club - it had a huge V front, so all you saw was his chest, and was about as long as a pair of biker shorts. And, as I said, skin-tight.

So, yeah, I stared.

We still managed to go to bed early, if you consider 12:30 a.m. early for a weekend. However, we fall back tonight (yay!).

I'm a huge fan of falling back. Springing ahead always throws me and my sleep schedule off. I cherish sleep.

Well, I decluttered, did laundry and dishes, and cleaned in general this morning. Now I'm finally sitting down and ready to write, I think. I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, and these last three days before NaNaWrMo to blow up in my face. ;)

Meanwhile, The Gossamer Gate is available at a reduced price of $1.99 in celebration of its launch and Halloween. Yay! It should be up on Amazon and all other major booksellers soon, and the paperback will be available in roughly two weeks, for $7.99.

People keep asking me if I'm going to slow down. No. No, I'm not.

Avery & Kobold

2011-10-27T10:37:00.003+01:00

Well, you won't see any photos of Avery and Kobold (or, as we call her sometimes, "Kobi" or "Kobi-Blue") together anytime soon, as far as I can tell.

Avery thinks that Kobold is a toy.

Kobold thinks that Avery is the scariest thing she's ever seen.

We kept Avery in his cage the first night. It was funny to watch him and Kobold analyze one another. They both realized that they were looking at living creatures who are neither human, nor fellow feline/avian.

On Wednesday, Avery thought it would be loads of fun to fly at Kobold. After that, I kept them on separate floors! I don't want Avery's routine to change, just because the kitten is trying to get accustomed to her new home. Likewise, I don't want Kobold to feel restricted in her wanderings around the house. So if I see Kobold, I just make sure I'm holding Avery.

We went through a few brief introductions on Wednesday with them, but nothing prolonged. I would hold Avery and let Kobold do the sniffing, while I scritched Avery's neck. Before bed, I also made sure that Avery got special bath time with me - I'm not concerned about the "natural" instincts of a cat and a bird together, but rather Avery's place as First Pet and any jealousy on his part.

Today, Avery is less aggressive and more curious. He hopped over to Kobold (in an enclosed space, so he couldn't fly at her) and beaked her inquisitively. She told him in no uncertain terms to back off. ;) He just looked at me like he didn't know what he had done wrong. Heh. I know birds feel with their beaks, but those things are sharp!

When he approached her quietly a second time without flying at her or scaring her, I gave Avery effusive praise and a bit of walnut.

I don't expect any bird-riding-the-cat-because-they-are-best-buddies antics any time soon, but I'm doing all I can to reinforce a positive relationship.

Kobold Blue Marie Callahan

2011-10-25T18:56:00.000+01:00

She's about 12 weeks old, so born around Lughnassadh (August 1, 2011). Right now, she's playing shy with us and we're letting her find her way around.

She certainly found the food fast! ^.^

I hate waiting...

2011-10-25T16:18:00.002+01:00

...to share exciting news.

But tonight we are picking up a fluffy little addition to our family. Photos of her will be posted as soon as possible!

One Week Until Halloween... And Then!

2011-10-24T13:12:00.001+01:00

Unfortunately, I will miss trick-or-treating with my son, since he is in Germany with his dad. Hopefully his dad or nanny will post pictures of him. The Gavitron is going as a Jawa this year! Aw... My little droid-scavenging, sand-dwelling alien son. ^.^

Daniel and I are both dressing up for a party this Friday night. He's going as a gunslinger and I'm his engineer sidekick. Oh yes, we're Steampunk-themed: goggles, pocketwatches, guns... My top hat was probably the most costly item.

We did most of our shopping at Clockwork Couture. Mind you, these are *not* just Halloween costumes. These are for cons and any other events where it would be appropriate to dress up in these outfits.

I also had to assure my husband that no birds were harmed in the making of my top hat:

I promise photos of our ensembles by this weekend (er, I hope). I'll ask our hostess to get some photos of us with our camera, as she is an *amazing* photographer.

You might wonder if there is trick-or-treating in England. Yes, there is, but it's not quite as popular as it is in the U.S.

I am very curious about the observance of Samhain here, since we modern-day Pagans celebrate it as a day to honor the dead, practice divination, and basically enter into "hibernation" (at least, metaphorically for most; even literally for some!) for the winter. We tend to approach the time of year between Samhain/All Hallows and Yule/Winter Solstice as a time of reflection. It's all about taking stock, looking back at the past year, considering our goals for the new year, and much more.

When I think of the long nights and short days, I find that I tend to hibernate physically, as well as mentally. It's a time when I like to close myself up in a warm house, watch a lot of Jane Austen movie adaptations, cross-stitch, write, and reflect. I'm also very drawn to family during this time of year.

Fall and winter are my two favorite seasons, and they tend to elicit a very touchy-feely, loving side of me. I think this Samhain will be especially touching, since we have quite a few souls to honor. I know that Daniel wants to commemorate the passing of his family's cat. I have not lost anybody particularly close to me this year, but this year was the tenth anniversary of my Uncle Larry taking his own life. It's hard to believe it's been that long.

This might also be a good time for me to reach out to ancestral spirits here, since I am in my "fatherland" (now I just need to get to my "motherland" - Italy).

I'm also putting out a series of short paranormal/superhero stories (with heavy erotic/BDSM content) on Kindle under a pen name, just for the fun of it. The first story is going up October 31. Of course, the writing *seriousness* and working with my publishers is still a biggie, but this is a series of stories about characters that are more comic book than commercial novel. A friend and I worked on these stories many years ago and crossed over some of our characters together, but I always wanted to get the stories of my main character out there. Sooo I thought it would be fun to let her (my superhero) run around the Amazon playground for $.99 per short story/novella. ;)

After that, we will wind down into November and I am taking up NaNoWriMo this year. I've only ever done it once before and managed to meet my goal that one year (2009). We won't really bother with Thanksgiving, since its just the two of us and we don't eat poultry.

I'm slightly conflicted about that, though. On the one hand, yes, there are several political/social reasons not to celebrate it, kind of like Columbus Day. On the other hand, I have 60 lines of descent from the Mayflower. It's a part of my heritage. I'd like to find a way to make it work for us. We both feel like the Pagan thanksgiving of Mabon is enough... But I still want to honor my New England heritage. It's deeply important to me.

Then December will probably be slightly hectic, but not too bad as far as the holidays go. We'll have the Gavitron's birthday, my birthday, Solstice, and our wedding anniversary to celebrate. Once more, it will just be the two of us. I've already commissioned the wedding anniversary gift. Hey, the first anniversary is paper, right? So I chose something very appropriate.

Of course I'll be getting Christmas gifts out to family. I plan to get a head start this year and am doing quite well so far.

What about you? What are your plans for Halloween and/or Samhain? Are you dressing up? Honoring anybody special that you lost this year or in years past?

Will you participate in NaNoWriMo? Does your family do Thanksgiving? Why or why not?

What are your plans for Solstice and/or Christmas? Is December a crazy month or do you get a head start?

Phew. I'm done being nosy. Maybe all of these questions will work as a blog writing prompt for some of you!

Now I've got to finish polishing the short story for its upload next Monday. ;)

Tonight's Appearance on "Spooky Southcoast"

2011-10-22T08:42:00.004+01:00

Tonight I'll be appearing on the first hour of "Spooky Southcoast", beginning at 10 p.m. eastern standard time. You can watch or listen here.

This paranormal show is broadcast from my home state of Massachusetts, not far from where I grew up. The host and executive producer, Tim Weisberg, is friends with my sister - they went to high school together. Tim appeared on last night's episode of "Ghost Adventures" with, YUM!, Zak Bagans as they explored the Lizzie Borden house back home. (To this day, that woman's picture gives me the creeps.)

So maybe you'll tune in and hear me.

Maybe I'll sound like a zombie, because 10 p.m. in Massachusetts is 3 a.m. here.

But maybe that would be entirely appropriate, given the type of show it is. ;)

2012, I Am Disappoint...

2011-10-19T15:55:00.001+01:00

Well, it seems like books, music and movies aren't the only things going digital.

Seasons of the Witch decided to put out a software-based planner this year and, instead of their gorgeous, full-color, glossy day and weekly planners, put out...

Ugh.

I can't even describe it without possibly bursting into tears.

Look, I realize a bunch of people out there are going all digital. They love their NetFlix and their iPhones and their ereaders, and all that newfangled stuff.

But I have to admit that I don't mind killing a few trees (or, hey, there's always that "Printed on Recycled Paper" option) for a book or day planner that I can hold in my hands, read on the toilet, and carry with me everywhere I go. I like the solidity of it. I like the no-eyestrain of it too.

Because, look - I stare at a computer All Day Long.

I'm a writer. I go tap-tap-tap and make imaginary worlds out of nothing at all.

So when I read, it's because I want a break from staring at a screen.

And when I open up my dayplanner, I want to be able to *write* in my plans, appointments, tasks, and more for the days ahead. Not type. It's just not the thing for me. I have enough things going on my laptop at once between Firefox, Word, OpenOffice, TweetDeck, and Steam (and that's all on a typical day). Throw in some Homeschool Tracker once a week when my son is with his dad, and every day when he's here, and... yeah...

I don't want my entire life to revolve around this laptop.

So I prefer a paper planner. That's why I ordered the physical version of the 2012 Seasons of the Witch day planner. I hoped that it would still be as beautiful, as it is functional, even though I knew it was going to be in black and white.

Alas, 2012, I am disappoint.

This planner looks like something I could have printed here at home. It's functional, but just barely. The look of the pages is just so dark, that it's almost depressing to look at. It's not glossy any more, either, which might have made it at least somewhat attractive. But, no, it's just plain ol' copy/printer paper now. I *know* it doesn't cost $22.95 to produce this disappointing planner.

If, like me, you still prefer a paper planner, spend the $18.95 to go with We'Moon's 2012 weekly instead.

Animal People

2011-10-17T10:33:00.000+01:00

When I came to England this year, I was all set to bring my cats. However, my sister said that since they had already flown to Korea and back, she was more than willing to give them a foster home so they wouldn't have to make yet another international move. I agreed with her - flying can really freak an animal out and, as much as I miss them, I know they're in good hands until they are with me again back in the states.

My sister and I are animal people. She especially loves dogs and I especially love cats. My husband, his mom and step-dad are animal people. My husband loves cats and birds.

Being an animal person comes with quite a variety of ups and downs, rather like being a parent.

A local friend, Jessica, is nursing a foundling kitten back to health. Nobody knows where it came from. Her husband found it on base and thought it was dead, until it opened its eyes. He brought it home and they have been taking care of it ever since.

All of my cats have either been street foundlings or shelter kitties. I've been trying to convince my husband to add a third kitty to our family (since the other two are in the states and I won't be with them again until January 2014). Since his mom's cat just passed away, my husband is softening toward the idea of us getting a kitten. It costs far less to fly a cat into the states, than it does to fly them to another country.

Ami. Mental is going through the knowledge that it is time to let go of the family dog. It's so hard, especially when you have to make sure your husband is on board. Some people hate to let go, especially when a pet seems healthy one moment, but then suffering badly the next. We can't read their minds and we feel awful trying to make that decision.

I've been there and done that. My ex-husband and I had to let go of our big ol' dog, Cody, back in 2007. Like Ami, we saw our dog go through ups and downs with his health. But we knew the Sunday after Thanksgiving when he just couldn't walk on his own any more that it was time. We took him to the vet that Monday and said goodbye.

Pets bring beginnings that are full of joy and endings that are full of sorrow. They become members of the family, as they should. Cats and dogs are commitments that can last you 10, 15, maybe even 20 years.

Many people are fascinated by our black-headed caique, Avery. Avery is full of energy and cuteness. He zips around the house, tweets merrily, says his own name, gives kisses and snuggles, is extremely playful and highly intelligent.

He also whacks you in the eye with a wingtip from time to time (ow!), screams twice a day, shouts in your ear, nibbles at your nose or ear with a hooked beak, steals your food, runs away when he knows that he's about to go into time out, and doesn't always poop in his designated potty places.

People see my pictures or videos of him and say, "Awww, how cuuute! I want a bird!"

If you think dogs and cats are a big commitment, consider this when it comes to birds:

They can live upwards of 30 years. Maybe even 40. Think about it. If you get a bird when you are 30-years-old, you might still have him when you retire from your career.

Your own children will fly the coop/leave the nest long before your bird passes on.

Your kids will not only graduate college, but be married with children before your bird says goodbye.

It's like having a toddler that never, ever grows up for that entire time.

They moult feathery floof everywhere.

They can't just sit in a cage and look pretty all day. Parrots especially need to spread their wings and get lots of socialization.

When they hit puberty at 2-3 years old, if you haven't taught them good manners and addressed unacceptable behaviors with good, consistent discipline, then you could have a terror on your hands.

I love animal people. I love that most of my friends are animal people. But I want people to understand that a bird is not just a pet. It is an investment. In fact, bird ownership is often a *lifestyle* to many, many people. When you pay $600 (such as we did for our teeny, tiny caique) or more (thousands for larger parrots) for a feathered friend, you have just brought home more of a handful than you realize.

In fact, I think it's fortunate that birds cost so much and that truly good, reputable breeders are just as picky about buyers as they are about the birds. The lifespan of a cat or dog is fleeting compared to that of a bird.

So I get very, very itchy inside when people say they want a bird simply because Avery is so darn cute. We have chosen a lifestyle of bird ownership. We plan to have more when we get back to the states and have plenty of land where we can build secure outdoor cages.

Since Daniel is studying to be a veterinarian, he is also considering the possibility of us running a no-kill shelter: especially offering a home to retired racing dogs and show animals, as well as to those airmen who are PCSing from Offutt AFB. PCSing can often leave a family in the difficult situation of having to leave a pet behind, because most overseas bases only allow 2 pets, and the cost of shipping 1 or 2 pets (let alone more!) is prohibitive.

I never thought my life would be something more than some quiet writing and a couple of feline companions. This is just beyond anything I ever expected and I am pleased with our lifestyle choice. Every day is another day closer to going back home and moving forward.

Hopefully, it's also another day closer to Daniel saying "yes" to us adopting a kitten. ;)

Animal lovers are special people. You guys give so much to critters who can't speak up for themselves.

Couch Day

2011-10-12T10:21:00.000+01:00

I'm not writing. Nor am I cleaning like a maniac.

Sometimes, you just need to plunk your butt on the couch, watch some "Girls Next Door" or "Bridget Jones's Diary" (or whatever other girly things float your boat), and relax.

Well, I was up until 3 a.m. working on something... That might - just might - contribute to this need to relax today.

Er, that said, I'm still working on said something. XD

Halloween is a downward slide into the holidays...

2011-10-11T13:29:00.000+01:00

So I'm sitting here, looking at my datebook, thinking, "Autumn Magick Festival, perhaps a Saturday in Bury, and then a costume party at a Pagan friend's house... Daaamn. Halloween is that close? Whoa. Wait. I need Yule cards!"

Odds are, you think I'm a freak. But, yes, I make sure all of my Yule/winter solstice cards are done immediately after Halloween. That means signed (this year, probably with something along the lines of, "Remarried and moved to England!"), placed in envelopes, addressed, stamped, and set in a pile to be mailed out the very day after Thanksgiving.

I kid you not! I'm all about being on top of those damn cards. In some instances, it's the only communication I have with a relative or old friend, so getting the cards out early - particularly when I moved within the last year - is essential.

But when it comes to gifts... Oh my gods, I am slow. I'm the December 20-24th shopper, honestly.

However, I simply cannot do that this year, because now I have a wedding anniversary on the, um... 23rd! That means I have to shop for my son's birthday, hopefully open gifts for my birthday, shop for Yule, and shop for my wedding anniversary (I sorta miss having a July wedding anniversary, if only for the sake of keeping it separate from two birthdays and the holidays).

I do have a list here - a list of who to buy for and ideas on what to buy them. Fortunately, my sister's four children are really easy. I generally order a Walmart gift card and have it sent to them, so they can choose what they like. My son is easy too. I'll send a few gifts to him at his dad's house, and save a few for when he gets back here in January.

My husband is *very* easy to shop for and I am so grateful. The list of possibilities is endless! And I know that I'll be the one who gets in touch with his mom to ask about ideas for her, her husband and my sister-in-law.

As you can see, the wheels in my mind are turning. Who, what and when are the questions asked.

That, and where the heck am I going to hide the gifts I get for my husband?!

Lazy Long Weekend

2011-10-10T11:46:00.000+01:00

You might have a different definition of "lazy" than me, but since I spent my entire weekend writing and gaming, didn't have to make dinner on Saturday or Sunday night, and didn't have to make lunch today, I consider that quite lazy. :)

However, it will be the last lazy weekend for a while, as we have Social Obligations for the next three weekends.

Next weekend is a local Pagan autumn fair. It sounds pretty relaxed and low-key: almost like a Pagan Pride Day lite with vendors and readers, and donations going to a good cause.

The weekend after that is sketchy, with two options. Either my husband will go to London to game with some buddies there, while I stay home, or he will stay home with me and we'll head to Bury St. Edmunds to see a friend's son's art show.

Regardless of what happens on that particular Saturday, I need to stay up late, late, late, because I am appearing on the first hour of Spooky Southcoast. Since the show is broadcast from back home in Massachusetts and begins at 10 p.m., that means I must be ready to talk at 3 a.m. here, and I'll be falling into bed a little after 4 a.m. at the earliest. But I'm excited about it! The show is broadcast from near my hometown and they are having me as a guest since I'd be considered a local dark urban fantasy author. Dead Wrong is actually set in my hometown of Bridgewater, Massachusetts.

Speaking of "urban", there's the amazing urban legends about the Bridgewater Triangle back home. Oh yes, I've had a spooky experience there myself. It's one of the places in Massachusetts that paranormal investigators visit often. So if the paranormal intrigues you, I definitely urge you to check out the Spooky Southcoast website and radio show.

*Then* there's the weekend after *that*: Samhain weekend. We are going to a costume party that weekend and I'm stoked. I love costume parties and will certainly post photos.

Well, since my husband is home today (and he's cooking up quite the lunch for us), I hope to focus on writing. However, I'm sure I'll get in a good amount of gaming today too. ;)

How is your weekend starting off?

Random Silly Things

2011-10-08T10:00:00.000+01:00

And now for something completely different!

Our caique is trying to eat the mouse arrow as it scrolls across the screen.

My husband tried to say "I love you" this morning. Only it came out as "I blove you." That's a running joke in the making. "Mmm, I blove waffles." "Oh, I blove the rain."

I have to keep telling my husband that coke is snorted and crack is smoked, not the other way around. What kind of drug education did the class of 2004 receive?!

Spoons do not make good weapons. They always turn on you.

Relationship Judgments

2011-10-07T12:13:00.006+01:00

I'm going to lose followers here... Either that or get chastised. But here goes.

*deep breath*

While my husband was TDY this summer, he told me about a guy he was hanging out with in Greece. He sounded like a nice guy - many of the same interests as my husband. I suggested he invite the guy over to game with us (the guy is in my husband's squadron here).

My husband said that he couldn't do that, because the guy's wife won't "let" him do anything he wants to do.

Excuse me?

A few weeks ago, I was casting around for a bird-sitter. We wanted to go to London for the weekend, and basically needed someone to come hang out with Avery for about 4 hours on Saturday and again on Sunday. We were willing to pay too. It was simple - sit here and use my husband's gaming PC to browse the web, or watch a movie or TV. Listen to music. Play with Avery - give him some out of cage time for about 3-4 hours. Then put the pre-made fruit-and-veggie salad in the bird's bowl, give him fresh water, put him in his cage, and leave.

One friend was willing, but couldn't because of her children's activities that weekend. I can dig that. I'm a mom too. :)

Another friend was willing and it was the perfect situation. She only lives a few miles down the street.

And then her husband said that he'd be angry if she did it.

Her husband was TDY, mind you, so he wasn't even home that weekend.

Excuse me?

Today I saw that a friend has to do a LOT of driving. She dropped her husband off at work (so they wouldn't be driving 2 cars today because of an event), brought the kids to school, ran home to make a dish for her husband's squadron's potluck, and now has to run to pick up her kids from school, then back to her husband at work for the potluck. I mentioned that at least she could ask him to handle driving them home, after all her running around and taking the time to make some food for the potluck.

She found the idea of her husband doing that for her laughable.

Excuse me?

I'm going to come out of the closet right now and tell you this: I am in a control-based relationship. In the BDSM community, we'd go by Owner/pet or Master/slave.

I wear a collar (it's steel so I can wear it daily - it's locked on anyhow and if you look at my profile pic closely, you will see it - and no one realizes what it is). People would probably perceive some of the ways I'm treated as being treated like a child: I have a bedtime. There's no staying up late for me while my husband goes to bed.

When he goes, I go.

I'm told to try new things, especially vegetables.

I specifically keep my solo errands to a minimum and within a time limit of 2 hours. I check in by emailing my husband at work to say, "I'm leaving now" and "I'm home."

He gets sex when he wants it.

He constantly steals hugs, cuddles and kisses, and I'm often forced to stop doing what I'm doing to accept and reciprocate affection. Even if I whine, "All this cuddling is a waste of time!", it doesn't matter. It's better if I relax and cuddle back for 5 minutes, rather than struggle and whine for 15 minutes.

These are just a few of the rules, limits, and expectations imposed upon me by my husband - just a tiny explanation of the structure of our relationship. And even that really doesn't go all that deep. Trust me, I get a *lot* of "good girl" and "sit!" from him. He'll grab my collar in public to keep me close at times. One of his biggest pet peeves is that I run off and wander around on my own while we're shopping. He growls at me (literally) that it's rude to abandon him like that.

Now, people might look at that and think, "What an asshole her husband must be!"

But here's the thing:

1. We didn't pretend to be anything different than what we are (as people), then marry each other and go Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde, like Mr. Greece's wife. I laid my cards on the table and said to my husband, "I want to be controlled." The thing is, it was really more of a sexual thing and I was only mildly interested in it as a part of life, but it organically evolved into our lifestyle. We're both *very* happy this way. Neither of us is depriving the other of anything out of possessiveness, unlike Mr. Greece's wife.

2. Our relationship is based on love (not neediness), trust (not fear), protectiveness (not possessiveness), and respect. We are kind to each other, polite to each other and take care of one another. Consider the situations I explained above and then see if you can see the difference between Asshole Spouses and the Trust-Based Control-Dynamic Relationship:

A. The Mr. Greece situation: If I were to say to my husband, "Hey, the girls have asked me to hang out with them on Friday night. Do you mind if I go out with them to the club on base for a few hours?", he would respond, "I don't mind at all - go have fun, and please be home before 11 p.m. Bring the cell phone and be safe."

B. The Ms. My Husband Doesn't Want Me To situation: If I were to say to my husband, "So and so needs somebody to look in on her cats while she's gone, and I'd love to do it for her. Do you mind?", he would respond, "Not at all. I know how much you miss your cats. How far away does she live and how much time would it take?"

C. The Ms. My Husband Doesn't Do Anything For Me situation: If I were to say to my husband, "I've had a really long, crazy day. Would you please make dinner tonight?", he would respond, "Of course. You should take it easy. You always work so hard taking care of Gavin and Avery, and with your writing. Would you like pork curry or fish?"

Ladies (and gentlemen), I *know* that a relationship where your spouse dictates everything is NOT for everyone. I know that the idea of a "traditional" 50's marriage where you cook, clean and rub your husband's feet (and I do that for him too) is not something everybody wants.

That said... he rubs my feet too. XD He also demands that I stop working so hard at times, and woe betide me if he hears me sniffle a few times and then sneeze or cough! If that happens, I'm shoved down on the couch and told "no more work for you!"

I know that not every person wants the limitations and rules imposed on them that I have *chosen* to have imposed on me.

The thing that makes feminism great is our ability to make such choices. If I choose to *give* somebody else control and they handle it responsibly, then there is nothing wrong. We have very specific roles - he leads, I follow. He doesn't make every single decision without my input, mind you. When there are money matters on his mind, he discusses them with me. He always asks, "Do you mind if I spend $XX on this item?" and adds, "Of course, you can spend $XX on whatever you want too."

In my relationship, I *ask* for permission for many things, and it's only becoming more and more natural over time.

Likewise, if two (or more) people choose a relationship based upon egalitarian values where they are a team, then that is great!

In ANY dynamic, I think what matters are love, trust, protectiveness (caring about someone enough to look out for them), and respect. Admittedly, I get the "You don't respect my authority" lecture about once a week. I'm really awful about rolling my eyes and acting like a brat, but I do that partially for fun. ;) In the end, I always capitulate and let him know that, yes, I know he's serious and I love him for it.

Is my husband an asshole for any of this? I don't think so, and I get sick and tired of people thinking that if one person controls another, it is because of insecurity. It's sad to see men who beat their wives or girlfriends for not cleaning the kitchen "perfectly", and people thinking *that* is the way all control-based relationships have to be. My husband is grateful and appreciative that I clean and it's one less thing he needs to worry about, versus being single and coming home from work, cooking for yourself, cleaning for yourself, etc.

I'm rarely in public without him. Oh, I'm allowed (yes, allowed) to go on base and run necessary errands. I linger at the library and the thrift shop, and make the most of my 2 hours (though I only take an hour to do everything, even if I do drag my feet). But I love that he wants to be with me, and that it's not out of insecurity. It's out of an honest desire to be together.

He put it well last night: his goals and dreams have so much more meaning now that he has someone to share them with, someone to take care of, and someone he wants to keep happy.

I realized last night that I felt the same way. My goals and dreams are so much more meaningful now.

Odds are, I didn't articulate myself or my point well at all. I'll try to summarize:

1. Not all relationships are created equal. There are control-based ones that work... And control-based ones that *don't*.

2. I don't like to be judged for the way I've *chosen* to live my life, but I can't help but shake my head at the way some couples treat each other. Why so disrespectful? Don't judge me for my choices and I won't judge you for yours.

It's a rant that has been in me for a looong time. Our relationship choices are personal, I know, but I think the point is that it is a choice.

I am more than capable of taking care of myself and I've been Super Independent Girl since I was 12. All I dreamed of was living alone in a studio apartment with a cat. At 18, I was out of the house, working, and married to a guy who was very sweet, but not quite the right guy for me. During our 17-year-marriage, I pretty much dictated everything. I never wanted to, but that's how it worked out. I articulated a desire for him to have control in bed (to start) and he was just never comfortable with it. It was a desire that remained unmet/unfulfilled until I was married a second time.

That is what it's all about, you see: talking about what you want. I think O. M. Grey's post about intimacy sums it up quite well. I knew what I wanted and I was honest about it when I talked to my now-husband.

Of course, I was afraid he'd run screaming in the other direction, but he didn't.

And I've never been happier or felt more loved, appreciated, or respected.

I rant and rage because I wish for everybody to have that in their marriage, no matter what type of relationship they want - whether it's a 2 people or polyamory, whether it's control-based or egalitarian, whether the partners are straight or gay.

What a relationship is or who is in it doesn't matter as much as how you are treated.

Disjointed Ramblings

2011-10-06T09:59:00.000+01:00

Have you ever noticed that weird dreams mess with your ability to wake up entirely?

Last night I dreamed about being put in some prison camp with my son and sending out a telepathic call to my husband to come find us. There was something about being stuck near Texas. Heh.

After that, I dreamed about my ex-husband's parents hating me. *insert eye-roll here* They're the people I care about least in the world and never, ever think about, to be quite honest with you. When my son is here, I make sure his paternal family gets thank-you notes (if they mail him something) and I encourage him to Skype with them (but he never wanted to bother), so I care about him doing what's polite as far as they are concerned. But that's the end of it for me.

Weird dreams always mess with your ability to wake up, it seems. Because the dreams were a weird jumble, I believe they were triggered by the jumble that was my night:

Play Minecraft, tease my husband mercilessly until I had to jump over the couch to escape his wrath (of course that was all in good, innocent fun), run upstairs to brush my teeth, get in bed, and read until lights-out.

Now I'm sorta-kinda awake and pondering the possibility of coffee. I don't drink real coffee, mind you. I absolutely love the smell and taste of it, but my body hates the inevitable results that come with ingesting the stuff. :/

But I do have some flavored gourmet coffee, which I *can* drink, and plenty of tea.

I'm also going to get up and work out in a moment. That should help.

I ought to be writing. I have a Steampunk fantasy that is nearly done! It needs beta reading, and then out into query-land it will go.

Now I also need to be up until 4 a.m. on Saturday, October 22 (er, make that Sunday, October 23 on my side of the world), because I am appearing on the first hour of Spooky Southcoast that night. Hm, too bad we don't fall back until October 30 here. That would have made it a 4-hour time difference versus a 5-hour one.

What are you up to on this gorgeous (at least here) Thursday?

Bird is the Word

2011-09-30T16:30:00.001+01:00

It's hot here.

I mean a sweltering 80 degrees.

Pardon me, but where did the lovely 60-degree days go? Our leaves are turning and showing off some spectacular color. Yet here I sit, melting in this heat.

Did I ever mention that homes in the UK often do not include AC?

Still, it is a lovely looking day outside. On any given day, this is the view from my kitchen window:

Lately, the view includes a guest:

Oh yes, you saw correctly. A chicken.

Of course, my husband (being a bird-lover) wants to keep it. Of course I, recalling some classic "South Park" episodes, give him a hard time about it. ;)

But seriously, I don't want a chicken. I don't mind it visiting every so often, but I wish my husband wouldn't encourage it. It needs to go home to its coop before it gets cold.

I wonder what British law or regulations are on keeping livestock...

They must be pretty lenient, since my husband is allowed to live indoors.

Say My Name!

2011-09-25T10:56:00.001+01:00

Our black-headed caique, Avery, recently started saying his own name. Previously, his speaking skills were limited to "step up" and an impression of human laughter. The name thing started a couple of days ago and we got such a kick out of it when we noticed that he was saying "Avery!", sometimes followed by a clicking noise. Why that? Because sometimes I will say "Avery" and then click my tongue, the way you might entice a kitty cat. So without further ado, here is Avery saying his own name:

*Yes, my husband is in the shower, but the video is totally G-rated. ;)

Fall Cleaning

2011-09-24T08:19:00.001+01:00

Mabon Blessings and Happy Fall Equinox to all of you!

Are you one of the many people who does both spring cleaning and fall cleaning?

I know that I am. Spring is that time of year to open all the windows and throw out the old, get rid of the clutter, so we can move forward with new beginnings! Fall is the same way, but in a different sense. Yes, open the windows and throw out the clutter, but do this so you can be more comfortable in your hibernation.

This week I brought a pile of books to donate to the library. They'll probably keep the one gorgeous hardcover and place the paperbacks (all of which are quite new and in perfect shape) on the book swap shelf. Then I focused on virtual cleaning. My email in-box is empty as I stay on top of responding to emails, links that are necessary to have but clutter up my bookmarks have been moved to word with corresponding notes (they're writing-related links), and I streamlined the crap out of my Twitter. I went from following roughly 520 people to 320.

That was an all-day project, mind you, since I was comparing my followers to those I was following. I don't want a precise ratio of followers to those I am following. There are plenty of interesting people I follow who post very useful information, and who don't follow me in return. After that, I had to go through TweetDeck and manually remove unfollowed people from my groups. Phew!

But back to spring and fall. ^.^

Each season affects me profoundly. When fall settles its crispness over us, there is a sense (at least for me) of turning inward. When spring bounds back into the picture, I feel the need to be out there and more a part of the world.

Hence, fall and winter tend to be much more creative times for me. I stay indoors, admire the leaves and then - if I'm lucky in the winter - snow. This is when I tend to write, cook something special that I might not normally attempt to make, scrapbook, cross-stitch, and watch Jane Austen movie adaptations. The days revolve around writing when I do not have my son, and rather snuggly homeschooling when I do have him.

This year, I expect to focus completely on writing between now and the end of December. I have three projects that I want to complete.

We did not do anything very special for Mabon last night. We went out for fish and chips at the pub, and then I completed the rough draft of my latest project. That felt good, of course, and now I'm delving deep into the revision process.

Today or tomorrow, we will go food shopping, and one of these nights will be our Mabon (Pagan thanksgiving) dinner. It will be pot roast, mashed potatoes, corn, and *hopefully* cranberry-orange muffins for dessert. I have no idea if the commissary here carries cranberries. If they don't, I have no idea if Sainsbury's carries them.

But I'm a New England girl in olde England, and it's not a proper Thanksgiving without cranberries!

The Military & Recycling

2011-09-22T15:25:00.000+01:00

My husband's job is one that keeps him fairly far out on base. Why? Because one wrong move and everything out there goes "BOOM!"

When he got here last winter, he realized that his squadron was not part of the recycling program on base. He asked why and found out that it was considered a huge hassle to pick up or deliver recycling bins from the bomb dump to the recycling center.

Since he already seethes over every single human and animal rights infraction the U.S. military commits, he wanted to at least do *something* to help offset their effects around the world. He was appalled to see all of the paper, plastic bottles and aluminum cans wasted by his squadron on a daily basis.

So he got out there, did the research, talked to the right people on base, and got his squadron back into the recycling program. Today he spent his morning distributing recycling bins to each section of his squadron. People groaned that he was just giving them more work to do... yet another thing to keep track of.

But when they complained, he just smiled. :3

Catching Up & Offering ARCs

2011-09-19T16:20:00.000+01:00

Monday was as productive as I hoped!

I woke up, took a quick shower (no dilly-dallying for me), and began cleaning house the moment I was dressed. This meant a load of laundry (Monday is always linens day), doing the dishes, vacuuming, and giving Avery's cage it's thorough once-a-week cleaning.

Avery was placed back in his cage after about 2 hours of hanging out on my head, his favorite perch, and I sat down to write. I only knocked out 500 words in the morning, which is actually a good number considering everything else that had to be done today!

There was still quite a bit of catch-up to do with planning and tracking my son's homeschooling progress. I created a template for lesson plans to send to his dad and nanny, and didn't fill them in completely. What an idiot I am! So I needed to complete the lesson plans for the next two weeks and get them emailed to my ex-husband.

Meanwhile, my son's fabulous nanny/ex-husband's girlfriend (hm, what should I call her?!) sent me photos of their visit to Koln (Cologne), Germany. She said she's not very good at remembering to take photos. Neither is my ex. Heh. But her Uncle took photos of the family and friends who got together last weekend. My son hung out with his nanny's little five-year-old cousin, and their English-French-German language barrier wasn't a problem. Gavin has a tiny bit of French under his hat (thanks to me insisting on it since he was four!) and the little boy he met had some English. However, as Gavin and I learned in Korea, childhood transcends foreign language challenges. ^.^

After the homeschool catch-up and downloading the photographs, I wanted to make sure I responded to people who had expressed an interest in ARCs of The Gossamer Gate.

An ARC is an "Advanced Reading Copy" of an about-to-be-published book. The Gossamer Gate will be released on December 21 in a variety of ebook formats ($3.99) and as a paperback ($7.99).

Now, here's where it gets interesting - if you would like to review The Gossamer Gate (whether on Shelfari, GoodReads or your blog) and don't mind possibly being quoted, then you can snag an ARC by or before November 15 (ebook or paperback). For more information about the book itself, see here for the back cover copy, here for the cover art, and here for the tagline and teaser.

If you like what you see, you can email me at autumndivona AT yahoo DOT com to request an ARC. For an ebook, I will simply need your email address and to know your preferred format (epub, MOBI, even plain ol' PDF). For a paperback, I will just need your mailing address.

If you aren't into faerie urban fantasy, but do have friends who are, please ask them to drop by sometime. ;)

How was your Monday? Did you keep as busy as me?

I Love Mondays

2011-09-18T18:07:00.011+01:00

It's true. I love Mondays. They are the oxygen I need to keep going, else I would wither away.

Seriously!

A few weeks ago, I shared my feelings about my husband taking two weeks of leave. Him. Home. For two. Long. Long. Weeks.

It's not like I never see the man. He works a normal eight-hour day, and comes home early enough for us to enjoy a six to seven hour evening together. Not bad at all, in my opinion. When he's TDY or deployed that is a different matter. Of course I miss our six hours a day, Monday through Friday, as well as our weekends. What I'm saying is this: his normal work hours work well for me.

I approach everything as a job: homeschooling, keeping house, genealogy, and - especially! - writing.

When the man is home, that throws off my entire groove. Again, it's not that I don't want him home. I want him home, but I want him out of the house for nine to ten hours a day!

So what did the past two weeks of ~~hell~~ love and togetherness look like? Well:

Homeschooling: Not a huge deal, because my son is back with his dad for the remainder of the year. I usually put about an hour a week into going over his lesson plans, emailing the week's lesson plan to his father, and adding the data into Homeschool Tracker.

Housework: HA! I mean, seriously. Did you read my last post? Not that we woke up with a beer can in the bathtub every day, but I truly slacked off over the past two weeks. Other than cleaning the bird's cage as usual, doing the dishes and keeping up with the laundry, I let the housekeepers do the rest on their once a week visit. Shocking, I know.

Don't ask if I worked out because I, the girl who simply adores cardio, did not (unless you count other activities that shall not be shared here - this isn't that kind of blog).

Paganism: Well, Mabon is coming, so we've talked about our ritual plans for that. I also started decorating for Halloween. I couldn't wait! I've got a bunch of pictures that really need to get hung on the walls, so I can get this house is order for Samhain.

Genealogy: There was a breakthrough and that's about it. Genealogy really took a backseat to...

Writing: Well, let's see... One book in the hands of the copyeditor, another novel accepted by a publisher and set for an April 2012 release both left me free to focus on another project. How much time was I able to put into that project? Not nearly as much I would have liked. Why? Because my husband doesn't believe in personal space/bubbles, that's why!

So, here's the recap:

Started an 80,000-word Steampunk fantasy set in 1892 London that is destined for awesomeness.
Played many video games
Named the huge bathroom spider "Croctobot"
Started a one-on-one D&D campaign
Missed out on going to London because the military got all jittery about the anniversary of 9/11
Watched many movies that my husband had never seen before ("Stripes", "Young Frankenstein", and "A Knight's Tale", just to name a few)
Read books (hey, if you're on Shelfari or GoodReads, let's be friends!)
Listened to music - mostly rock because, well, we rock
Became obsessed with The Chemical Garden trilogy (February can't get here fast enough)
Downloaded some cheap Steampunk ebooks to my Kindle for PC (I still read *real* books, and will NEVER convert to e-reader; the 3 books linked here are simply not available in print or I want to try them before I commit to print in one instance)
Spent roughly 99% of the past two weeks sharing these words of love with my husband:

"DO YOU MIND?! YOU'RE IN MY SPACE!"

Gaming Night!

2011-09-16T12:23:00.000+01:00

We gamed, we saw, I conquered.

It was fun to awe and astound my husband by winning "Bigfoot" (on the NES) last night. Personally, I didn't think it was a huge feat, but it feels good when he says, "I've never seen anybody win it before!" :D

We also ordered the most amazing Indian food. Mmm! "Bigfoot" was preceded by "The Addams Family" (terrible game controls) and followed by "Mario Bros." (the arcade version - not "Super Mario Bros.").

You know it was a fun gaming night, because we played until well past 1 a.m. and a beer can ended up in the bathtub.

"Fever" Dustjacket Giveaway!

2011-09-14T23:38:00.000+01:00

I am going to say that, without a doubt, one of the best books I read this year was Wither, by Lauren DeStefano.

When the Fever cover was revealed, I was absolutely stoked! Personally, I think it looks amazingly gorgeous, and will look lovely gracing the bookshelf next to Wither.

Well, Lauren DeStefano is GIVING AWAY 12 gorgeous Fever cover jackets!

I want one so badly. Honestly, from the moment I saw the cover, I have thought about it at least once a day. It's one of those situations where I am almost salivating with anticipation over a book!

It would look great on my bookshelf. ;)

Missing the Gavitron

2011-09-13T09:45:00.000+01:00

Well, of course I miss my little G-man! I miss sitting with him and homeschooling. I miss bringing him to the playground or the bowling alley. I miss bringing him to the Youth Center for classes, camps and to play with the other children.

Fortunately, he is getting his day-to-day education with his dad and nanny. The only thing not in the picture is time spent with other children. Although I am very opposed to Boy Scouts, I told his dad that I'm willing to accept it as a social option when the Gavitron is in Germany... But I would much rather see him back in Tae Kwon Do class and other activities that don't involve being part of an exclusive group.

Not to worry - I get plenty of interruption in the form of my husband. If my son isn't here to make it impossible for me to think and write, my husband does the job instead. At the moment, he is playing with our caique, jangling a bell toy for him, while making his own, personal dramatic music as he waits for an ebay auction to end.

I feel fortunate to have something that keeps me very busy while my son is with his dad - my writing. If not for that, I would probably go crazy. The routine change isn't quite so difficult. I go from getting up, working out, cleaning, and homeschooling, to getting up, working out, cleaning, and writing.

Still, I do cherish those moments of sitting together at the dining room table or going to the library for books. I was born to homeschool. :)

And now I'm going to watch my husband snipe a Nintendo Color Racing TV-Game 112 to add to his console collection.

I'd rather be homeschooling...

Clowns & Spiders

2011-09-10T11:06:00.000+01:00

It all started with this a few months ago...

Daniel: "Do you know what's funny?"

Me: "A clown?"

Him: "Do you know what's funnier?"

Me: "Two clowns?"

From that point on, the poor guy could not ask me a "Do you know what ___________?" question without getting the same answer every time.

Him: "Do you know what makes me angry?"

Me: "Clowns?"

Or

Him: "Do you know what stupid thing my boss did today?"

Me: "A clown?"

Don't you just love inside jokes like that? When you take them out in public, witnesses to those jokes never know how to react. Our latest revolves around an arachnid incident.

We were in the bathroom two nights ago and he pointed out this fairly decent-sized spider (hm, larger than a half-dollar; maybe about the size of a big cookie). For whatever reason, every noisy incident, that is *not* caused by either of us, is now blamed on the spider.

Today: Facecloth falls in shower knocking over facewash - it goes crash into bathtub.

Daniel: "Spider."

Can you imagine if we're out in public and hear a car accident? What do you think Daniel is going to say?

Yeah.

"Spider."

Copyright (c) 2011 Wendy L. Callahan

The Mind Wobbles

2011-09-08T08:54:00.001+01:00

So this post is on the Pagan side of things today. :) Just fair warning - no homeschooling here.

This morning, I read Diandra's post about receiving her first Christian hate mail.

Congratulations, Diandra. It's been a long time since I received any hate mail. That happened in Korea with the military spouses who hated me for being "anti-Christian, anti-public school, and anti-Conservative" (as usual, a product of somebody taking comments out of context and making snap judgments).

I think what amuses me most is that the person who contacted Diandra claims that Pagans are "cold blooded sexually immoral murderers of their own children" (note the lack of proper punctuation) and refers her to practices of Pagans in ancient Egypt.

Ancient Egypt.

Well, Mr. Christian, I don't know about you, but I do know that Pagans are not blind to the practices of ANY of the religious cults of over 2,000 years ago.

That includes Christians, who found that when their message of the love of their God was not accepted by said Pagans, it was most expedient to shove a living snake down the unwilling Pagan's throat. That's a lovely message isn't it? "God loves you. Convert or die!"

Yes my friends, Paganism *does* have its martyrs.

And, yes, Christianity is equally guilty of brutality in its religious practices, so I just don't get the guy's point.

Conservatives (often Christians, mind you) get pissed if Liberals invoke the issue of slavery and speak as though it's still an issue that matters today, and yet a Conservative Christian wants to throw a practice of over 2,000 years ago in the face of a single little Pagan who did nothing more than speak out against child abuse?

Am I the only one who sees a problem with this picture?

That said, the guy could not form a coherent sentence, let alone an intelligent thought, so I doubt Diandra has to worry.

Unless he tries to give her English lessons...

Then she might have reason to be scared.

A Tad Bitchy...

2011-08-28T19:17:00.001+01:00

Can I be frank? How about earnest? How about I simply say what's on my mind, since a name change isn't exactly what I need?

I don't "do" togetherness very well.

Independence, however, is another story. Give me alone time. Lots of alone time. So much of it, that I turn into a complete island, despite John Donne's little supposition that no man is.

My husband has been home for three days. THREE DAYS. He has a four-day weekend. His squadron deserves this four-day weekend, because they worked twelve-hour-a-day, six-day-weeks for a month in preparation for an inspection.

The problem is that he wants to spend every waking moment with me, while I want to spend every waking moment with... me.

We were discussing my Greta Garbo outlook on companionship, when he asked me, "What's wrong with wanting to be together all the time?"

To which I responded, "What's right about it?"

And then I think I took a turn into bitchville when I started complaining about my life, my work, my time. It was the realization that I am extremely selfish with my time and energy. It's the way I have been since I was at least nine-years-old, with practically no friends in school. I learned how to be very good at being alone. Even during the seventeen years of my first marriage, I spent most of my time with myself, and no one else.

So as I was complaining that, if I'm "enjoying" a walk in the forest with my husband, my life isn't moving forward, I realized something.

I had to apologize to him, because my life *is* moving forward. I'm waiting to hear from the content director of a television show because the executive director wants me on for a segment.

I'm waiting to hear from a publisher on the novel that I am currently submitting/querying.

While my husband is at work, I have at least eight hours to voluntarily handcuff myself to this laptop and write madly (and I do so with great pleasure).

Would it kill me to stop, slow down, and take a walk in a forest with him?

No.

Nor did it kill me to lay down in the grass across from the BMX track deep in the forest, and relax in the sun with the newest Jane True book - Eye of the Tempest - while my husband ran his RC car along the ridges, ramps and jumps of the track. Ladybugs, dragonflies and honeybees all found that I made an excellent resting place.

I absolutely *love* my work as a writer.

I love my husband too.

It occurs to me that it might be nice of me to give him at least *some* of my time.

Um... Too bad after this four-day work week, he has TWO WHOLE WEEKS OF LEAVE. Oh yes. If I'm acting insanely proprietary about my personal and work time right now, let's see if I can survive from September 3 until September 18.

TMI aside: The man keeps me on bed arrest every morning, on mornings when he doesn't have to work. Is this what it's like to truly be a newlywed?!

Giveaway & Hurricane Irene

2011-08-27T11:00:00.000+01:00

I just wanted to give everybody a heads-up about my book giveaway at my author blog, just in case any of you might be interested.

And I also want everybody back home on the east coast to stay safe and dry! You are in my thoughts!

Into Autumn

2011-08-21T13:25:00.000+01:00

Well, my son's dad showed up early to pick him up and bring him back to Germany. On the one hand, the timing worked out, because my ex-husband was here to "babysit" while my husband and I moved from our flat to our house. So you haven't heard from me, blog-comment-wise, because it has been a chaotic week and busy weekend, getting moved, settled in (still working on that), and saying goodbye.

Of course, on the other hand, this completely sucks. I only had my son for 3 months - not 4 - so it feels a little bit unfair. January seems like a very, very long time from now.

Basically, I deal with my four "off" months by turning into a complete workaholic. I have my writing to focus on during that time, which helps somewhat. I have also begun a new publishing venture and am serious about following-through on it, and making it all that it can be. I want good authors to succeed, and I'm not afraid of writing rejections.

For now, we're spending our weekend completing the task of unpacking the random, leftover shit that always seems to wait until last. It is feeling like "home" now that we have pictures hanging on the walls (Witches and gryphons and fairies everywhere!), all of our books, video games, and rooms mostly organized, and the altar by the door.

Later tonight, it's going to be time for Chinese take-out and the original "Tron" to end our day. Sounds like a plan, doesn't it? My husband has seen the new "Tron" (I haven't), but not the original (which, naturally, I have seen).

Sometimes the fact that I am 11 years older than Daniel freaks me out, but he has a thing for the 70's and 80's... So it's cool that I can introduce him to so much stuff. Next week, we're watching "The Blues Brothers". "Sell me your women!" (John Belushi... rrrrrrowwwlll...)

I'm looking forward to Monday, because it's going to force me to sort of re-center myself. I need to sit down, set goals for work (in order of importance: writing, publishing, genealogy). I need to create a new schedule for myself that is not too different from the one I had with my son, but centers around accomplishing more.

If I make the most of the time he is gone, then that means I feel less pressure to find "me" time when he is here. That said, knowing his time here is limited, it makes it all the more special. I would give up every single potential hour of "me" time to snuggle my son.

Then again, so would his father. And I respect that very much.

Life: Moving

2011-08-15T20:03:00.000+01:00

But just moving from our flat to a house, finally! Phew! The house is totally British 70's, and therefore totally fab. It's still smaller than what you would find in the U.S., but much more charming.

We'll make the move over a couple of days, because new carpet is being installed downstairs tomorrow. Tonight, we brought over a few items for upstairs. Tomorrow, we will do the same - work on organizing the upstairs, while the work is going on downstairs. Hopefully, we can also get some rather larger furniture over there on Tuesday night.

That leaves Wednesday for me to finish up moving small items and clean the flat, although the manager of the rental office told me not to worry about cleaning. Still, it's a good habit of mine - to clean when I vacate a place, whether it's a home I've had for a few months or years, or a campsite where I spent a few days. I try to leave a place better than I found it.

My husband was resigned to staying here in this teeny flat, and while it is lovely and convenient, it is far too small. When we found out that our landlord had a house available just down the street, I pounced on it. I had been putting that *intent* out there to find such a thing, and had all but given up with my husband's rather apathetic attitude toward it. But the luck of the Sagittarian came around, as usual. ;)

Now that my husband has seen the place, he is not at all opposed to moving. Sure, it's quite a bit of work, but we really don't have that much to move since much of the furniture was provided in the flat, and the same furniture items will be provided in the house. That means we are just moving a futon, rather heavy television (I think that's the worst item), light television, TV table, sideboard, dining room set (quite small), fairly light desk, cedar chest, an oddly-shaped set of shelves that disassembles and reassembles easily, and a couple of tall, but light bookcases. The tall bookshelves will be the most difficult, only because they won't fit in the back of our car completely (everything else will - one thing a time, of course), but it's such a short drive, that I think we'll be safe.

Other than that small amount of furniture (see? No bed or bureaus to worry about, nor living room set - that is all provided by the landlord), we just have to move all of the small, personal items. And, honestly, the small, personal items are the worst, aren't they? Furniture is no big deal. It's filling shelves and drawers and closet/wardobe space that's a pain in the butt!

However, having a bathtub (instead of just a shower), 3 bedrooms, a *much* larger living room and dining area, completely separate kitchen with a much bigger refrigerator, and our own backyard is totally worth it.

Writing: Like, Facebook!

2011-08-12T17:01:00.000+01:00

When I dropped a copy of my book off at the library today (as a donation), they asked if I had a Facebook author page. Well, no, I didn't. I was concerned that such a thing would be rather pretentious, though people have been mentioning it as an idea. The librarian said I should go for it...

So I did. You can "like" my author page, if you so desire. Please know that there is no pressure to do so! Don't do it, unless you want to keep up with the writing I'm doing and book releases. It's too easy to like a zillion pages and ultimately look back, and ask yourself, "Why did I bother?" ^.^

Life: Friday

2011-08-12T13:16:00.001+01:00

It was a mostly good week with regard to homeschooling, writing, genealogy, Paganism, and life in general.

Our schooling rolled along fairly smoothly, until yesterday. Then Whine Mode kicked in and I had to talk my son down. ;) Today I'm thinking of just calling it a 3-day weekend, just because we accomplished quite a bit in our first week of the 2011-2012 school year.

Because the reviews on Amazon and by various bloggers all agree that Dead Wrong is a good read, but that they wish it was longer, I am working on a revision. The original story will not change, but it will be expanded, mostly in the aftermath of the novella's events. Will my publisher be interested in a revision and re-release in the future? I don't know, but I'm going to put my heart into the project and then ask.

Meanwhile, I am waiting on a response from another publisher on one of my books, and I still have more than enough works in progress to keep me very busy when my son returns to his father at the end of the month. I've got to set some goals and complete some of these books!

Much to my disappointment, The Beltane Papers will no longer be published. But it is not a huge surprise and I completely understand. Lise Quinn has been managing it in *all* ways for a few years now, and has been with TBP for a total of 15 years. Over the past few years, it has been frustrating to find financial support (over 1,800 people "Like" TBP's Facebook page, yet there are only 250 subscribers?!), article submissions, and volunteer help.

Yes, I am considering whether or not I am the right person to help TBP carry on into the future, but I am concerned about encountering those same problems. This is probably the biggest thing on my mind right now, and if it's the only problem I can complain of, I would say that I'm a very lucky girl.

So it's an ongoing debate inside of me. I can *not* allow something that has been around for nearly 30 years to just fade away like this. TBP was born in 1984, the same year I consciously set foot on the Goddess path. It has existed as a voice for women's mysteries and issues; some of the women who helped create it have passed on. Most have simply moved on in their lives.

I think that is sad. TBP represents something timeless, in my opinion.

I want to and I probably can do this. I'm just not sure that I'm the right person. So that is the question I am asking myself.

On the upside, the lay leader for the Pagan group here on base decided that she wants to start the group once more. I am so happy about that. While there is a local British Pagan community, it's vital to have a resource on base. I told her that I want very much to be involved and would like to have the role of keeping everything in order - that is, keeping the *people* on topic and dealing with any issues of inappropriate behavior at meetings. It seems to me that previous drama, and the drama inevitable when you have a group of people, warrants that.

It has mostly been the kind of week that flows, and I've been able to go with it. Tonight I'm off to a Pure Romance party, something I haven't been to in a long time. As my husband put it, "It's Tupperware for perverts."

Well, regardless of what I might bring home (and, yes, I do have an idea of what I will get there), I do hope that I might make a friend or two. I'm not terribly optimistic about that, but I figure a woman willing to go to one of these parties might be at least somewhat liberal, and therefore not put off by my appearance, personality, or ideals. But if they are, oh well. I won't cry over spilled strawberry-flavored lubricant. ^.^

Homeschooling: First Week of Year 4

2011-08-09T16:40:00.002+01:00

Thus far, the first week is going well. Monday got off to a slow start, but we still accomplished our work. (At the moment, I am attempting to type with my caique on my hands - literally.)

We have done our first dictation exercises this week. When I first researched homeschooling back when I was pregnant, I read about dictation and copywork often. Copywork seemed pointless for my young son - as much as I would love to have him writing out brilliant quotes by Thomas Jefferson, I figured that he really would not get the point of it. Sure, it would teach him how to spell to an extent, but I feel that copywork is supposed to be more meaningful than that, so we gave up on it fairly early.

Dictation had to wait until he was old enough to spell, without copying. This is the year!

I think we will add copywork next year, for Year 5. It should be more meaningful at that point, and we will do it in connection with the history/literature/science cycles (Ancients, Medieval to Early Renaissance, Early Renaissance to Early Modern, Modern).

One young friend of mine does not think the 4-year cycles could possibly be effective in teaching a child. He doesn't understand that the idea is *not* for my son to remember everything taught in grades 1-4, but rather to introduce him to concepts at an early age, so they won't be so intimidating later on. For example, he will (hopefully) remember hearing "Beowulf" and "The Illiad" (even vaguely), so when we read then again next year, the stories will be familiar. When I expect him to tackle them in Year 9, in all their olde english glory, it should not freak him out, because he'll know the plots.

O ye of little faith, thou products of public school. Heh. I went to public school, but I honestly think I could have learned so much more on my own. Public school is good to have, but it is not the be all and end all of education.

The homeschool versus public school argument reminds me of the stay-at-home mom versus working mom argument.

Feminism was supposed to *liberate* us - not force us to do what other women thought "free" women should do. Parents should be able to choose their child's education (of course, some people should definitely not be home educating; I'm well aware of that. Heck, some Pagans drive me absolutely insane when they talk about being "pegan" and having an "alter". Pardon me, but if you are going to be a part of something, please know your stuff, thank you).

I believe in choice in all things, approaching those choices with flexibility and being open to change if things are not working out for the best, and not imposing my choices or beliefs on anybody else.

So here I am, the feminist who chooses to stay home and enjoy her husband having the control in the relationship, and the liberal mom who believes in a completely secular home education for her child (that's right; homeschoolers aren't all Conservative, religious freaks trying to isolate their children from the world - hand me the Darwin, if you please).

My way is not everybody's way. When I was nursing and co-sleeping, I wouldn't give in to the other moms' attempts to put guilt trips on me with their "I must be a bad mom, because I don't/didn't do that" comments. It's my intention to do what is best for my child and myself; I can not tell anybody else what is best for their child or their life, and when people try to tell me what is "best" in their eyes, I just say, "I appreciate knowing your perspective. I am a flexible person, and if I find that something isn't working, I will make the necessary changes."

I think that's all any of us can do.

Well, I'm pleased that - thus far - our first week is going well. ^.^

Paganism & Life: The Forest & My Karma

2011-08-07T20:24:00.000+01:00

We are fortunate to live in the East Anglia region of England, which boasts the beautiful Thetford Forest. Locally, we have the Mildenhall Woods, which has - surprise! - a BMX track and play area.

Silly me, I did not bring my camera, because I was not expecting it to be such a lovely forest or interesting area, but it is. My husband wanted to go to the BMX track and forest in general to run his remote controlled car. My son reluctantly acquiesced, and found that he loved watching the children riding their bikes over the hills and ridges, and making little jumps. When we found the play area, he had a great time climbing to the top of the rope tower. It's a frightening climb up and back down, but he managed it just fine. ^.^

There is something so beautiful about British forests that I cannot even begin to explain. They lack the deliciously eerie atmosphere of the woods back home in Massachusetts (woods I would traipse through as a child, with the knowledge that many a settler was set upon by angry Indians; you could just feel it), but instead have a sort of mystical quality about them.

Both the forests at home and here in Britain feel magickal, but in completely different ways. In Korea, they had yet *another* quality - a very motherly one.

It's interesting how the lands of different countries actually are energetically distinctive.

In other news, my distinctive "Whatever I need or want, comes to me" karma did it's usual thing and brought us precisely what we needed - a larger flat in our price range, still close to base, and still with the same landlord (who has graciously given us a *huge* storage unit at no extra charge).

Last week, my husband and I had discussed how this place is just too small for us, even with my son going back to his dad at the end of the month. But my husband shrugged it off and said, "Well, we have a lease, and by the time that's up, we'll only have another year and a half here anyway."

Enter the cleaning lady who, when I sighed and said, "Yes, we are settled in, but it's just a bit too small", told me that our landlord has a 3-bedroom place opening up that is *much* larger than this. I immediately pounced on the landlord when I saw him and asked him about it. He gave me details and when he told me about the rent, I was thrilled that it was only a little bit more than we are paying now.

So my husband, son and I took a walk down the street to see the other flat and it really is much larger, with it's own yard as well. We want to see the inside, of course, so I will speak to the landlord's account manager tomorrow about that possibility. But my husband, who had been so dismissive of the idea of moving, said, "I want it" after we saw how much larger it was (and for only 150 pounds more per month - and still within our BAH).

Call it good karma, call it being one of those extraordinarily lucky Sagittarians, or just being a Witch who is extremely talented with putting my intentions out into the Universe - when I want or need something, I usually get it. It will be nice to have a 3-bedroom flat (my son's bedroom will double in size, and we'll use the smaller bedroom for a video game room), with a larger lounge (that's what they call their living rooms here), and a kitchen that is separate from the lounge and dining area.

This place is cute but, as I said to my husband, it's a bit like a glorified dorm room. That's the reason I spend most of my time in the bedroom - it is it's own room, and so feels more "homey", despite my decorative touches downstairs.

Sure, it'll be a pain to disassemble and reassemble a couple of pieces of furniture, and one of our televisions is ridiculously heavy. But once we're settled, that's it for 2 years. A place right behind base, right behind the Youth Center, with it's own driveway and yard, much more space, and it's more private as well. Less people coming and going constantly, on a quiet cul de sac. I'll feel confident about allowing my son to go to the Youth Center by himself, which he is allowed to do at the age of 9, just to play at the playground there and meet other children, without my supervision.

Of course, this last one will depend upon his maturity. As I've explained to him, while the rule is that children at the age of 9 may wait in a vehicle alone for a short time, be home alone briefly, and go to the Youth Center on their own, it's not just the number that matters. It's maturity. My son asked what that means, and so I explained:

"You could be a 9-year-old who thinks of nothing but potty humor, or you could be a 9-year-old who thinks it's funny, but still knows that it's important to watch what you say in public."

In my opinion, maturity is largely about being conscientious. When my son demonstrates that he can be conscientious about his behavior in public, as well as safety, I will deem him mature enough to go to the Youth Center without my immediate supervision.

I'm sure many parents are glad for the day they can just kick their child out of the house and not have to worry about watching their every move, but I'm not of the "boys will be boys" or "children learn from being bullied/teased" attitude, or anything like that.

I don't want to helicopter the boy, but I don't want to be cavalier about his behavior - or that of children in general - either. There has to be, I think, a nice balance; a moderate ground of letting a child have freedom by degrees.

At least, that is what is comfortable for me as a parent.

Homeschooling: 2011-2012 Plans

2011-08-06T13:18:00.000+01:00

Normally, we take all of August off from homeschooling, and begin again in September. However, given mine and my ex's custody schedule, and the fact that he really was not able to accomplish much with our son this year, I am getting a head start.

I am giving my son a long weekend, and then we will delve into our 2011-2012 school year. Here's how it looks for Year 4:

Reading: It's hard to believe that it was only last year that my son really, finally "got it" when it comes to reading. Now he's reading so well that it's amazing to think it took over 7 years for him to learn! But I think he was learning all along - he just wasn't ready to put it all together until last year. He may not have learned at the age of 3, like me, or 4, like his father, but he's not a carbon copy of either of us. He's his own person.

This year, we will continue to study grammar with First Language Lessons for the Well-Trained Mind, level 4. Other than that, I am done with workbooks to reinforce reading. We are just going to *read*.

He read Dr. Dolittle this summer, and truly enjoyed it. We are finishing up Sir Fartsalot Hunts the Booger, and the last book we will read together before he returns to his dad is The Secret Garden. (Awww.)

Spelling: We have begun Spelling Workout C and he will move on to Spelling Workout D when that book is done.

History: This year we are covering modern history (1850 to present), and will continue to use The Usborne Internet-Linked Encyclopedia of World History, and definitely go to the quicklinks for each page. This will be supplemented with colorful Eyewitness and DK books, and the Which Way, USA? series for some geography and state facts.

Science: We are using The Usborne Internet-Linked First Encyclopedia of Science for our physics studies, followed by What's Physics All About?, and supplemented with Magic School Bus books.

Writing: I've given up on copywork. ^.^ Having my son copy great quotes and passages, is just far too idealistic a goal for a young child. Perhaps when we begin Year 5. We're continuing with Handwriting Without Tears, Third Grade, Cursive Handwriting, and will move on to the Fourth Grade workbook when that is done.

French: Rosetta Stone. Simple as that. My son loves it.

Math: We're going to give Teaching Textbooks a try. I'm not sure yet which level my son would benefit from, so we need to check that out this weekend. For now, we have a couple of random multiplication workbooks, flash cards, and a times table hanging up on the wall.

Social Studies: We never really do anything along these lines. It just does not feel necessary. What passed for social studies when I was in elementary school, was basically history. To be honest, I don't understand the point of social studies when we are observing and commenting on life and humanity every day. We ready the appropriate chapter of Circle Round for each Sabbat, and check out a variety of library books about celebrating our holidays, as well as life in general.

Nature Study: I picked up the British Wildlife Detectives' Handbook here, and my son thinks it looks great. We will definitely use it.

Art: We're going to try The Usborne Introduction to Art this year, supplemented with library books and - hopefully - museum visits.

Music: As with last year, I just haven't done as much of this as I would like. Mostly, I just expose my son to classical music. I think we'll actually study it starting next year.

So many educational ideas are really idealistic; when you have a young child, I don't think it's possible to cover "everything" in depth. Sometimes our once-a-week classes (social studies, nature study, art, and music) are simply passed by, as the more important educational aspects of our day are covered. Fortunately, I feel that social studies happens naturally, nature study is a part of everyday life, and so are art and music from a variety of sources.

Paganism: Things I Love

2011-08-06T09:16:00.001+01:00

Living in England for this short time and seeing things that many American Witches only dream of seeing

An active, thriving Pagan community, where there is something for everybody

Teaching

More than anything, I miss teaching - giving workshops on aspects of Paganism, and teaching my former coven's Witchcraft degree courses. I am teaching my husband the courses, but it's not quite the same thing.

But I am channeling my previously undirected energy into my other work, and I know that the waiting will be worth it.

Life: Indecisive

2011-08-05T09:01:00.001+01:00

When it comes to me, and me alone, or me and my son, I'm a decisive type. My friends know I don't sit around dithering about "Oh, but is this a better idea than that?" I just do it. When I have to make a choice, I pretty much go all Nike on it. I'm even - dare I say it? - confrontational. Oh, you made me angry? Here I come to tell you off.

Here's an example of my decision-making self: yesterday I said to my son, "We're going to start your new school year on Monday, so I'm giving you the rest of this week off." Then we cuddled, watched "Tangled", played Pokemon (the card game) together, and more.

That's all there is to it. I ask, I analyze, I act.

When it comes to my husband... He's the "What do you think?" type. Yes, he's got the control in the relationship, which I simply love, but when it comes to big decisions, he is not so good at them. My first husband was all about what made me happy - would it make me happy if he chose A or B? I honestly detested that. I wanted him to do things out of sincerity - not for me.

My second husband? I think he's more concerned about not screwing up.

We have both undergone huge changes since last year, and it seems like it's just one thing after the other in the change department. Now, he's contemplating yet another huge change. It's something we have discussed, and it really isn't my decision. It's his. I told him that I'm 100% behind him and covered the things he would have to consider.

However, I cannot make this decision for him, even though it affects the both of us. Well, I suppose that I could. If I could, I'd probably choose the "safe" route, even though I'd prefer the "spread your wings and fly!" choice.

But here's the thing: I'm secretly hoping he makes the "spread your wings!" choice. I think taking that kind of a chance would be good for him and prove many positive things to him.

Life: Everything!

2011-08-02T16:34:00.001+01:00

After a weekend of Lughnassadh, the weather heating up (I realize you folks back home in the U.S. have it far worse than me), and a big decision, followed by a focus on ramping up on homeschooling to get into our new year (officially begins in September), and way too much Facebook as I've watched my mother and stepfather (journalists who run a newspaper back home in New England; my stepdad also appeared on the Nancy Grace show to report on the case) deal with coverage of the Celina Cass disappearance, I am beat.

Life has really been quite a whirlwind since last November, and I have still not accustomed myself to the changes. I'm about to face another change very shortly - my son will head back to his father between now and the end of September.

Today is the first day of Mercury Retrograde as well. People who know the kind of annoyance this astrological occurrence can bring usually moan and groan about this particular retrograde. It's short-lived and high-impact, screwing up communication and the best-laid plans left and right.

That's why I'm going to focus on - get this - not focusing so much over the next 24 days.

I'm going to take this retrograde and spend less time worrying about what I can get done. I'm going to be kind to myself and take life slowly. I usually pay attention to what my body and mind are telling me, and go with the flow as it is. In this instance, my goal is to take these "dog days of Summer", and let myself be just a little bit lazy.

That's not to say I won't be working; I certainly will! My son's Hapkido class is a great time for me to sit down at the Youth Center with my laptop to write or edit my work. However, since my son is leaving in about a month, I'd like to slow down and focus on just enjoying having him here.

Everything will still be waiting for me in September.

Life: Sunday, Sunday

2011-07-31T22:23:00.001+01:00

Today was a little bit of everything - food shopping at the commissary (as early as possible, to beat the church-goers!), my husband deciding to cook a yummy beef stew in the crock pot, hours and hours at the playground while my husband ran his RC car, my son played with other children, and I read the new issue of Vintage Life.

I'm in the mood to give my blog a makeover - I want a fresher look - and will probably work on that this week... But no promises, as I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, quite a bit of work to do (writing, naturally), and homeschooling, as usual.

For Lughnassadh, we kept it fairly casual. We talked about how Lugh used his cleverness to get into King Nuada's palace, and discussed what we have accomplished this year, as well as what we hope to accomplish before the end of the year at Samhain.

Yesterday I discovered ponies next door! I had no idea they were there, and I must get out to take some photos tomorrow.

At the moment, I am watching "Despicable Me" with my son, and I just don't *get* it. Honestly, I didn't enjoy "The Incredibles" either, nor do I really like evil genius/super hero type movies, whether for children or adults. (Then again, most superhero movies for adults are based on comic books that I have read, and they *ruin* them by screwing with the story!)

However, I adore movies such as "Shrek" and "Happily Never After". I'm more of a fractured fairy-tale type, I guess. ^.^

How did my Pagan friends spend Lughnassadh? How did everybody spend their weekend?

Parenting: Teaching Religion?

2011-07-28T10:27:00.001+01:00

In a previous post today, I mentioned that I am not raising my son as a Pagan, but rather giving him "bits and pieces" of information. It felt like a good idea to elaborate on that.

Religion is the last thing that really matters to me, as far as what I will teach my son. Of the absolute, utmost importance is teaching him to think for himself.

As far as isms go, I'm much more concerned with teaching him about humanism than anything else. I want him to be accepting of all people, to look beyond race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or physical abilities, and see that we are all essentially the same. I want him to respect the individual and the differences that make us each unique, to appreciate the diversity of the world, while understanding that we are all human beings.

If I ever hear him use any sort of derogatory word toward somebody for being of a different race or religion, for being another gender or sexual orientation, or for having any sort of limitation in their capabilities, I will be profoundly ashamed of him.

There is only one thing I truly *hate* in this world, and that is hate itself (with it's partners in crime, intolerance and ignorance). I cannot and will not accept bigotry in my child (possibly children one day) or friends.

One does not need religion to teach love and acceptance.

Where does religion come in as far as parenting? Hm, it probably plays into my life as a mom predominantly as a means of asking the rhetorical "WHY?!" when my son does something ridiculous or embarrasses me in public. ;)

In all seriousness, because my son's father is of a different religion, there is a mutual decision to teach our son about both of our personal belief systems. The best in-between solution is the UU church, which covers a great deal of the humanism that I want my son to learn. My ex-husband actually has a UU fellowship nearby, though I don't think he has made any use of it.

On my end, everything simply happens casually and organically. In the same way that my father would talk about religion if I felt like it, but mostly leave the whole idea alone, with my son religion is only really "taught" if it comes up in conversation.

He's been to quite a few Sabbat rituals and Pagan Pride events with me, but this was more for the social aspect than the spiritual one. We have also done a small bit of formal teaching as social studies, and I do a lesson on each Sabbat as it approaches each year.

However, there is no "Pagan class", no "Witchling School", or anything of that nature in our homeschooling or parenting.

Next year, however, I do intend to introduce religions of the world. For the Logic Stage, we will learn about different religions, from Paganism to Christianity (and all the varying traditions that fall under those two very broad words), Hinduism, Paganism, Islam, Judaism, Ba'hai, UUism, Gnosticism, and more. Such an education would not be complete without a discussion of Atheism as well, in my opinion.

For the Rhetoric Stage, we will probably move onto something more complex and comparative.

The idea is not to teach my son religion, but rather to teach him *about* religion.

As far as him finding his own spiritual path, I hope that he can take his formal education and his experiences, and figure out for himself what he believes, if anything at all. I feel that my job is not to tell him what to think or how to think it, but rather to give him information and let him make his own decisions.

On a side note, if my new husband and I do have a child, we actually will raise him or her as a Pagan. There won't be a baptism to make one spouse or other family members happy, because we're both Pagan. There will not have to be any caveats due to differences in belief.

However, that child would still receive the same world religions education as my son, and we would respect his or her right and freedom to choose their own spiritual path, as well as any other path in life.

Paganism: More Dreams

2011-07-28T09:18:00.006+01:00

When it comes to dreams, I have always had a fairly good memory for them. Anything that I feel is significant goes in my dream journal.

Besides the recent trio of dreams about my grandmother expressing concern for my father, another recurring theme has emerged during the past 30 days.

I initially dreamed last month about Christopher Penczak and his students (one of my very closest friends is a student and friend of his, and Christopher and I met at Dover Pagan Pride, 2007 - I kind of pounced him, saying, "YOU DID SILVER'S HANDFASTING! SHE'S ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS!" Silver tells me that Christopher certainly has not forgotten our meeting. Heh.).

In that dream, Christopher's students were telling me that I was needed at home - that England had nothing for me - I saw it as an echo of my dear friend's oft-expressed requests for me to get home to New England soon, so we could spend more time together.

I miss all of my friends, but especially the close ones I can tell *everything* to, so very much!

Within a week of that dream, I had an experience with Herne and my patron Goddess, Persephone, in the nearby Thetford Forest. On that day, I was told that my time here in England would not be wasted.

Last night's dream is what triggered this morning's earlier post about confirming my Pagan path. In last night's dream, I was at Bell, Book and Candle in Dover, and said how I had not even heard the word "Christianity" until I was 18 years old (just the way I opened the earlier blog post today). Ivo Dominguez, Jr., both one of the proprietors of BBC and a friend, told me in the dream that he liked that I had the freedom of such an organic and natural experience, growing up Pagan.

He told me that I needed to continue to pursue my work here, and that it would be the answer to everything I was asking myself about my future back in the United States.

It is a message that is concurrent with both the Penczak dream and the Herne/Persephone encounter last month, and I appreciate receiving it.

Paganism: Confirmation - My Way

2011-07-28T06:29:00.000+01:00

When I was growing up, Christianity was not a word that I heard. While most children were receiving their (I had to Google this) First Communion or Confirmation, I was learning about the Goddess and utilizing a variety of energies for spellwork.

A few weeks ago at the thrift store, I saw a white dress for a young girl, and I said to my husband, "Look! A wedding dress for somebody my son's age!"

Yes, yes, go ahead and laugh at me for that. Honestly, my ignorance of Christian rites and rituals does not bother me. It's something my friends seem to admire and envy, oddly enough - especially those who were forced to grow up in Christianity, and found out later in life that there were choices, and other paths that spoke to them.

When I began to learn about Christianity, as well as the other Abrahamic religions, at the age of 18, I found the logic completely disproportionate to everything that I had ever learned in my life. There was no basis in reality for the religion, so it did not take long for me to see that, while it was the right path for some people, it certainly was not the path for me.

For me, learning about it was my own confirmation - a confirmation that the Paganism with which I had grown up was the spiritual path that made the most sense to me.

Many Pagans look back on their Christian roots and truly resent the religion in which they grew up, but I often point out to my husband (who is one of those people) that - despite it's lack of originality, logic, or basis in reality - it is still a valid spiritual path for many other people.

You might wonder what I mean when I say "lack of originality, logic, or basis in reality". I will explain what I mean in the most simplified way possible.

Lack of originality: There is nothing new or special about Christianity. It borrows all of the religious and spiritual beliefs that came before it, and renames them. That is why I refer to its beliefs as "the Christian mythos" and it's deities as "the Christian pantheon". It is like a Windows 7 version of Pagan religion - it has it's good and it's bad, and some people will always prefer classic Windows, 1.0, 2.0, 3.0, 3.1, and 95. They will just find that the original and the classics fit them better, and that the latest update is far too complicated and flawed.

Lack of logic: It might come as a surprise to some people that I consider logic to be the most important aspect of my religion. The two words seem to be mutually exclusive, and I agree wholeheartedly with Bill Maher's statement in "Religulous" that "Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking."

For me, a thinking spirituality is vital (that's why I love having a church home in the UU). If a Christian can find a logical way to justify their religious beliefs without using the Bible, then I think that is great.

What do I find logical about my religion?

Yesterday is a good example of one part of it. My son and I were talking, and he brought up God. He spoke of God as a "He", and I said, "Whoa. Can men have babies?"

"No."

"Who has the babies?"

"Women."

"Does it take both men and women to make babies?"

"Yes."

"Ergo, my dear son, doesn't it make sense that God can't possibly be a 'He', but that It must be both a He and a She in order to create life?"

That certainly got him pondering things! (No, I have not reared my son as a Pagan. I don't take him to every single ritual, talk to him about religion constantly, or promote any one religion over another. When religion comes up in conversation, I give him bits and pieces, and let him make his own decisions. I'd rather he think things out than be told what to believe.)

It's basic things like male + female = child, and male + self could *never* equal life that draw me to Paganism. Yes, Gnostic Christians and some other enlightened sects of Christianity believe in a feminine divine principle, as well as science and education, and I am quick to point that out to the Pagans with the Great Big Christian-Hating Chip on their shoulders.

As far as logical spirituality, I also embrace science (Big Bang? Yes. Divine catalyst for it? Perhaps. Quantum physics? Explains magick and energy!), education, knowledge of the world, and - *gasp* - the idea that I could possibly be wrong about religion. (By the way, if I'm wrong, it's because Atheists are right. ;)

Lack of basis in reality: This ties in with logic. Look at the conversation with my son. Can a man conceive and give birth to a baby? No, and in the few species that do asexually reproduce, we pretty much always hear that they are female.

And if God created the world and nature as we know it, this obviously biased slant toward the female (with daughter offspring), and the fact that, otherwise, male and female are required to reproduce, make it seem pretty obvious to me that God is not without a feminine divine aspect, if not ruled by said feminine divine aspect. Hello Goddess!

I'm not sure what ultimately became so frightening about women, that the Abrahamic religions subsumed the feminine divine. A scholar of those religions could probably explain it, but I suppose it would simply be the political and social climate of those times. It's quite sad to think about it.

Basically, I see my religion reflected in nature. I experience it with my five senses. I'm not saying there is a lack of faith - faith is an idea with which I still am not comfortable. It is a word that I dislike; being an idea that is so monopolized by Christianity, it leaves me feeling rather... icky. I don't need faith to see what is right in front of my eyes (nature) or to know that energy is very tangible and real, because I can feel it physically.

Panentheism and pantheism are nice like that. I don't interpret the potential existence of Goddess as A Big Mommy In the Sky, but rather as an energetic consciousness that is near us and part of us, and for whom nature is Her reflection, while still being so transcendent as to be beyond human understanding.

But I guess it must take a little bit of faith and belief to think that there might be something or someone out there who cares, besides mom. ;)

Style: Vintage Furniture

2011-07-27T14:33:00.000+01:00

When it comes to vintage style and fashion, I'm drawn to a variety that seems incongruous at first (as do my personality, lifestyle, spiritual path, and interests).

One does not have to be strictly "1950's pin-up" style or "1940's WWII style", but the trick to mixing eras at home and in the way you dress is pulling things together in a way that works.

At home, I want to be surrounded by items dating from Jane Austen's time until Edwardian times, and I am especially fond of the Victorian era. I like dark wood and cozy rooms, with a Steampunk twist.

Our flat doesn't allow much space for decorating, so I can only express myself to a small extent. However, my favorite view is definitely of our very cozy dining area.

The mirrored sideboard was a great find in Newmarket, sold to us for only 50 pounds. The best guess is that it is from the 1930's, but we don't know for certain.

The dinette set came from my husband's stepfather, and was manufactured by Meier and Pohlmann Furniture in St. Louis. They manufactured furniture from 1891 to 1959. I don't know how old the set is, but I *do* know that it needs to be stripped and refinished, because somebody dared to paint floral stencils on it. Oh, the humanity!

Black and white toile is my favorite pattern, and of course there has to be something a bit Witchy in everything I do:

The small, round table came from the thrift store on base for a mere $25. Since coming home with me (I had to buy it; it matched my shoes), it has become a little love altar.

I have the most fun switching out seasonal decorations, especially on a sideboard or hutch. Samhain is my absolute favorite holiday, so I'm sure you can imagine how much I love pulling out my Halloween decorations each year!

It's only July, but I'm already considering the possibilities. ^.^

Life: "You're lucky he's not..."

2011-07-27T10:10:00.004+01:00

Today a Facebook friend and fellow military spouse complained that her husband is not home yet. He's been gone for a week, she expected him home today, and she misses him. He's also going to be gone quite a bit throughout the rest of the summer.

I feel her pain and told her as much.

Right now my complaint is that my husband is working 6 days a week, 12 hours a day. Ugh. Watching "Top Gear" by myself is not nearly as much fun, as sharing it with him. I mean, it's his show, but he's gotten me hooked on it too. He would come home from work, and I would turn on the TV, change the channel to Dave or Dave Ja Vu, and we would watch together.

But some people seem to think that it's acceptable to say to me or somebody like my FB friend that "we're lucky" that our husbands are not working 7 days a week, 16 hours a day... Or currently deployed for 3 months, 6 months, or a year.

Really?

That is the most incredibly inappropriate thing one military spouse can say to another.

It's this ridiculous one-upsmanship of suffering that exists in the military spouse subculture.

Just another reason why I am *extremely* selective about choosing friends in this particular social environment.

And another reason why, when the "normal" spouses reject me because I'm not conservative (no, I refuse to vote for a candidate just because he or she is the one most likely to vote for a raise for the military; I'm voting for the one who protects my rights as a woman and who cares about protecting our earth), or because I'm not Christian, or because I don't bake cupcakes, I don't really care.

Why would I want to be a part of a "community" that's so catty? (Don't even get me started on the Pagan community! Same basic principle applies, though.)

Even those who are friends make digs at one another about whose husband is giving more, which wife is sacrificing more.

It's so sad, when we're all in the same boat.

I don't care if your husband or wife is sent TDY for 2 days, let alone a week, month or year. I'm still going to respect the fact that you miss the person you love, that your children don't have their mom or dad around at the moment and miss her or him, and that you want that person home with you, just as much as I'm going to respect the fact that a loadmaster is gone constantly, that those who work on ships are gone for months at a time, that a drill sergeant works long hours and really never sees her family, despite being at home.

And *then* there's the "It's what you signed up for" response.

Oh really? I believe we are well aware of that. We know that the military can call upon our significant other at any time, take them away for as long as they choose, and send them home whenever they damn well feel like it. I've experienced it.

I do know how damn lucky I am, because I've survived two 1-year remote assignments. I've dealt with having a husband in Iraq and the knowledge that he was under mortar fire daily. I've been through the post-9/11 fear that he would be deployed to the middle east, and handled the uncertainty of the solitary months that followed that.

So? Like I said, I'm well aware that's what I "signed up for" when I got married. None of these experiences make me somehow more or less of a military wife than another woman.

Maybe somebody will disagree and say that some of these sacrifices are greater than others.

But I say that if you love somebody and miss them, then it's not just inappropriate, but straight-up catty, crass and rude to play the "my husband is gone more often/longer than yours" game.

It's no wonder I find the military spouse subculture to be such a negative, toxic place, and happily distance myself from it.

Homeschooling: A 2011-2012 Head Start

2011-07-25T13:03:00.000+01:00

We usually begin a school year after Labor Day. That comes from my experience as a child, never starting school until September. The idea of starting in August just doesn't feel right.

However, because our school year was rather chaotic last year, and there will be quite a bit of travel back-and-forth this year, I decided to get a head start with my son.

While we have been working consistently on spelling, writing and math during the summer, this week I began his Year 4 history and science.

Since it is our Year 4 and we utilize The Well-Trained Mind (but not Story of the World - we both disliked it intensely when we tried it), we are studying modern times, from 1850 to present. We turned to pages 340 and 341 in The Usborne Internet-Linked Encyclopedia of World History to read about factories, and the awful conditions in factory towns in Britain.

After that, we checked out the 3 quicklinks available through Usborne and selected the Muck and Brass game at the BBC website. In that game, you have a series of 3 different decisions to make in a factory town in Victorian Britain.

My son chose each decision that would improve life for the poor. The first one - improving the sewers - made him quite happy when it worked out. However, when he progressed through the game and saw that neither their housing nor the air quality could be improved, he realized what a grim and sad time it must have been for people in those industrial towns and cities. The rich got richer, as they were unwilling to do anything but make money, and the coffins of the poor mounted up quickly as a result.

A very interesting game, and a reminder of how lucky we are now!

Life: A Quiet Saturday

2011-07-23T17:15:00.000+01:00

Unfortunately, my husband had to work a 6-day week. In fact, we're looking at 6-day weeks at 12 hours a day for about a month. Me no likey.

That said, I've indulged in some wishful baby-naming: Isolde Jillian-Lee Callahan (ih-SOL-dah) and Rory Stephen Callahan. *If* we go in this particular direction, we'll do our best to ensure that the boy name is the one that is used. Now, whether or not that would ultimately be the name chosen, I don't know. We haven't even decided to have a baby. It's just a topic of serious and ongoing conversation at this point.

My son displayed a little knowledge to me that made me smile today. He is playing "Dance, Dance Revolution: Mario Mix" and told me, as he was reading the characters' commentary, "There's an exclamation mark, so I need to say it loudly." I love seeing and hearing those little examples of how he is learning and retaining information.

Tomorrow I want to pull out our homeschooling materials for fourth grade, write up a blog post on them, and get a head start on our new school year!

There are little things running through my mind as well: things like how judgmental people can be. Things I wish I could talk about, but cannot because of people's judgments. For example, to say we only want a baby if it's a boy is likely to garner a whole bunch of criticism. To talk about my (very non-egalitarian) marriage dynamic would turn into a shitstorm. Both would probably lead to accusations of me not being a feminist, but I am... in moderation.

Well, I'm an all-things-in-moderation type of person, from my religious views to my political ones, my parenting style and more. But some people believe that if you're going to do or be something, you need to do or be that thing "all the way". Some people think that if you don't do things the way they do them, then you're doing something wrong. And some people give you the snide "Whatever works for you". I don't appreciate that at all.

But I will say this: when I see some of the younger spouses at the commissary, talking to their husbands like they're idiots, I think, "Have you no respect for the guy?!" Certainly, not every married couple has to be like us. Everybody has to live in the way that is right for them, but even if the wife is "in charge" (which I most certainly am *not*), can't she show some respect to her husband? I don't know... I just cringe at the breezy way in which 20-somethings "whatev!" their husband's suggestions in the aisles of the grocery store. Well, moving on...

It's hard to believe that Lughnassadh is just around the corner. It doesn't even feel like any July that I have ever experienced. These consistent temperatures in the mid-60's have me grateful for a heavy blanket at night, when the temperatures fall to the low-50's.

Dear friends and family back home in the U.S.: I would send you these temperatures, if I could.

It seems that August won't be much warmer, and I'm wondering if autumn comes rather early here. Time will tell, of course! Lughnassadh may be more of an autumnal celebration than I anticipated.

I also seem to never find enough hours in the day. It probably doesn't help that I'm devoting as much time as possible to this 13,224-piece puzzle. It is on my floor, which means that we don't have a table to use for dining at the moment. I'd rather like to complete it now (just for the challenge of it), and then put it away until we return to the U.S. permanently, where I will assemble it once more, then glue and frame it.

Today I found exactly what I was looking for on the local Bookoo site: a sideboard. I had my grandmother's hutch, but I knew it was too large for my flat, so I left it in Missouri with my sister. For several weeks, I have been watching the Bookoo site for something at or less than 50 pounds, or within the $75-$100 range. It was a pleasant surprise to find what I wanted today, and I have made plans to see it tomorrow. It will fit perfectly in our flat... Once my puzzle is done. ;)

Well, I do look forward to spending more time on writing and genealogy, once that puzzle is done. I have been getting quite a bit of reading done during my son's Hapkido classes, as well as some writing. I brought my laptop with me once, and I always carry a notebook, since I often write the "old-fashioned" way.

That's it here. Just a few random musings.

Life: This is Summer?

2011-07-19T10:25:00.000+01:00

When I think of summer, I think of long, hot, humid days, surrounded by a wide expanse of green, trips to Duxbury Beach (back home in Massachusetts) or Rehoboth Beach (in Delaware). In fact, I have always wanted to return home to Massachusetts, and live in the western part of the state (Northampton, please), but keep a small beach house on the Cape.

There are some differences between summer there, on my home coast of the U.S., and summer here in England...

First of all, the sun doesn't rise at 4:30 a.m. and set at 9:30 p.m. in the U.S. Not even where my mother lives, in northern New Hampshire on the Canadian border, do the days get that long!

Second, there is no heat here. None. No humidity either.

Well, I suppose I'm exaggerating. It has been warm here, if you consider 60's to lower-70's warm. I certainly wake up wanting hot chocolate and cook dinner with autumn in mind. We had sweet potato chili last night.

There must be humidity as well, but I don't feel it. I imagine that is because it is not quite as extreme here as it is on the east coast of the U.S. So instead of having that "I'm mellllting" sensation, I walk around saying, "I say! This is quite pleasant!"

The only time it feels remotely like summer to me is if the breeze calms enough for me to feel the sun beating down on me. *Then* it feels crazy-hot and arid, which I do not like. But I *do* like the cool temperatures, the fact that it feels like autumn in July, and I wonder what August will feel like.

Since autumn is my favorite season, I cannot wait to see the leaves change color, and the temperatures cool down even more!

So... I hear it's hot in the U.S... ^.^

Homeschooling: Math & Perfectionism

2011-07-18T10:07:00.003+01:00

The 2011-2012 homeschool year is approaching, and I am more than prepared for it. I will post my plans sometime soon... I think. I am being held hostage by a 13,224-piece puzzle, after all. ;)

Meanwhile, since I don't want getting back into his full schooling schedule to be a total shock to my son, I have told him that he will be doing three subjects today; not just two. Next week, he will do four subjects, and so forth.

Because his father did not have the ability to keep to a full homeschooling schedule, I simply let many things go for the 2010-2011 school year. It really disappointed me to do so, but I don't think my son necessarily suffered (academically) for it. However, now that his father has a nanny, I expect her to follow the lesson plans I provide (and, since she's an intelligent, educated person, perhaps to come up with her own ideas for interesting, educational activities). My son should be able to get a "complete" education this coming homeschool year.

I say "complete", because not every homeschool family will agree on what a child needs to learn. So naturally I mean complete from my perspective. ^.^

During the summer, I have only had my son working on reading (a book a day or a chapter in a longer book on his own), writing, and spelling. We have done math sporadically.

Math is his best subject, however, so I told him that we will delve back into daily math lessons.

The only problem here is that, because my son is so good at math, he's a perfectionist.

Maybe this doesn't sound like a problem, but my son is *extremely* hard on himself... And he's only 8! I don't know if it is normal for an 8-year-old to hold him or herself up to such high standards; to settle for absolutely nothing less than 100 on every paper, exercise or test he completes, but that is how my son is about his work.

He was adding with carrying over at a very young age - long, long, long, *long* before he could read. He always enjoyed it too, but for about a year now, it's been all about getting 100's.

I have told him to relax and not worry about his scores on his work (and, in fact, just stopped scoring his work at all), but to instead enjoy the work itself, since he likes numbers. He is the same way with his reading and martial arts as well. If he gets a word wrong, he gets annoyed at himself. If he doesn't kick, punch or spar well in Tae Kwon Do or Hap Ki Do, he gets upset.

It's funny, because the things he learns the most from are the things he pushes himself so hard to do well.

I once read that one of the signs of a "gifted" child is that they hold themselves to high standards and can be very hard on themselves. But I *hate* jumping to the conclusion that my son is gifted. In fact, I kind of dislike that whole labeling of children in the first place. Sure, I understand why people in forums or groups identify themselves and their families that way ("mother of 2 daughters, one autistic", for example) from the start - because then others who can relate to them may connect with them more easily.

But when I see the "gifted" label... I don't know. I find *that* particular designation rather pretentious.

Can I just say that he's anal retentive, like his dad, and completely Type A, like me?

Paganism: Dreams & Intuition

2011-07-18T09:29:00.003+01:00

In Paganism - or, really, in life, regardless of your spiritual or moral path - we all have talents and abilities. We all have certain things we know not to ignore. For me, my talent is in pathworking. I write them for use, not just by myself, but by other people. I am told that I have a soothing voice and most people find my pathworkings/meditative journeys very relaxing when I lead them, as well as finding them creative, interesting and useful.

I wish to be better at certain things, such as tarot, but even though I have practiced it since I was a teenager, I simply find that I am better served through my dreams.

Intuitively, I know which dreams have meaning and need my attention. Dreams are an astral journey, just like pathworkings, and they tend to be the way I receive important messages.

Some are fairly simple messages, informing me that a certain thing is happening without my conscious knowledge. Those dreams allow me to decide whether or not to approach a person and confront the situation (which I have effectively done many times).

Some dreams are more complex and require greater thought on my part. I don't like the idea of dream "analysis". It sounds rather scientific, and I do not pick out certain creatures or aspects of the dream and say, "This must mean X, while this must mean Y". I never, ever use a book to interpret dreams.

Instead, dreams are my way of scrying. I take everything as a whole and look at it.

Over the past two weeks, I have dreamed about my deceased grandmother three times. The first two times, she mentioned her concern about my father. This third time (just last night/early this morning), she had one of my deceased uncles with her (my father is one of three sons and one daughter; both my uncles died young, one due to accident, and one as a result of suicide).

In the dream, my grandmother and uncle (the one who committed suicide in 2001) were sitting at the kitchen table in my grandparents' old house, back home in Massachusetts. I looked through the cabinets, remembering the times when there was always a box of Lucky Charms and a bag of cookies for me and my sister, because we spent every weekend sleeping over there. It made me sad to see the cabinets completely empty.

My grandmother showed me family photographs. I mentioned that I only had one or two of my father. She told me that she would see to it that I had another photo of him.

Because my father has been spoken about in these dreams, my natural concern is for him. He is not a healthy person, mentally or physically. It would not surprise me if he was not around much longer, even though he is very young (only 58-years-old).

He sent me an interesting letter before the dreams began, and I discussed it with my sister. Since the dreams have persisted, I have contacted my sister to check on my father. She may not really know much, since we both maintain a very distant relationship with him, but better safe than sorry.